Full Life

2009-08-25T15:08:00.001-07:00

www.swiftlyarriving.tumblr.com

go there.

The winds of change are blowing!

2009-07-28T10:21:00.000-07:00

Hi Lovely Blog Friends,

Times are changing and so is my blog. Follow me on over to www.swiftlyarriving.tumblr.com (no thats not a spelling mistake, there's no 'e' in tumblr.

So there you have it. Its a different feel....and i like it.

Click HERE to see the new me.

I'm going to be adding a comments section so be looking for that soon. The kinks are being worked out too so forgive me.

See ya THERE!

Love Amy

Kingdom Comes- Sara Groves

2009-07-14T07:49:00.000-07:00

When anger fills your heart
When in your pain and hurt
You find the strength to stop
You bless instead of curse

When doubting floods your soul
Though all things feel unjust
You open up your heart
You find a way to trust

That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming

When fear engulfs your mind
Says you protect your own
You still extend your hand
You open up your home

When sorrow fills your life
When in your grief and pain
You choose again to rise
You choose to bless the name

That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming

In the mundane tasks of living
In the pouring out and giving
In the waking up and trying
In the laying down and dying

That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming

My friends are cool....

2009-07-03T11:25:00.000-07:00

.... so cool in fact that at 8am this morning, 25ish of them hopped on their bikes and began a 10 day, 1000 km ride around lake ontario for Africycle. Check it out HERE.

This week.

2009-07-03T11:03:00.000-07:00

A little bit of love goes a long way. We’ve all heard it said but do we really believe it? And if we really believe it, do we love like we believe it? I was beautifully reminded this week that it is true. A little bit of love goes a long way.

My roommate and fellow volunteer, Jenn, had invited some girls from The Bridge to the movies. One didn’t show up and the one who did, S, arrived with her infamous attitude in tow. Jenn excitedly told her that while the 10 pm show was sold out, she got 3 tickets to the 10:30 showing. S lost it. She laid into Jenn about how she had paid 10 dollars to get dropped off, had a pass from the shelter she lived at only til midnight and blamed Jenn for it all. I told S that her attitude sucked, that she her tone was disrespectful and that if she would calm down, we’d all figure out a way to remedy the situation. This only got S more riled up and when she pulled the “when’s the last time you lived in a shelter’ card”, Jenn and I backed away and began to pray for patience, guidance and a loving attitude. S couldn’t see past her own anger and as we began talking in circles again, I told Jenn to go enjoy the movie and I’d figure stuff out. I told S that I would have loved to give her a ride home but that with the way she treated Jenn, and the way she spoke to me, I really didn’t want to. I walked across the street and as I opened the car door, she yelled at me from across the street. “Get in!” I said coldly.

I wanted to drive her to the shelter in silence and get on with my night....but I couldn’t. I told her that no one at The Bridge was paid to be there. We spent our weekends there because we want to, because we love her and the rest of the kids regardless of if they love us back. This tough kid who lies and manipulates and has spent her life just trying to survive, started to cry. She told me how she had spent her life being disrespected, being neglected, living on friends couches in between shelter stays and foster homes. At 19, she was living a life of anger, desperation and hopelessness.

“Lets go get something to eat” I said. As we sat down with her food at Wendy’s, she started talking and didn’t stop for an hour. When I dropped her off at the shelter, she looked at me and said she was sorry for acting the way she did and that she appreciated the food. I told her that we all get upset and thats ok. It’s how we react when we’re upset that matters and the way she reacted was not right and she owed Jenn an apology. She assured me she would.

The next day Jenn and I are grabbing a coffee and S runs up to the car and taps on the window. Jenn opens the door and before she can say hello, S is apologizing.

A little bit of love goes a long way. S wants what I want, what Jenn wants, what we all want. She wants to be known. She wants to be loved. The beauty is what happens when a kid like S, gets a little bit of that love that they long for. It changes them. It lets S know that there are people who care about her. Yes, she lives in a shelter, and yes she’s lived a life I can’t even imagine, but she’s loved. And now that she’s had a taste of that love, she’ll want more.

“Lord, you are my God, I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness, you have done wonderful things, things planned long ago.”- Isaiah 25:1

The last 2 weeks in photo journal format.

2009-06-27T07:38:00.001-07:00

A good portion of my time is spent here. This is the view from my favorite rock. I often go to this spot with my bible, journal and Ipod and spend some quality time with the Lord.

I've also been spending a good amount of time with this lady. She works at The Bridge and she is lovingly referred to as my "peterborough mom". We often eat lunch together in the park across from the office. She's a wonderful woman and a beautiful friend.
My dear Robyn turned 17 this week and we threw a little birthday party for her down at the Silver Bean Cafe.
My sister, her husband (not pictured- that guy is steve), and her 2 crazy adorable kids, Ava and Carter, came to visit for 2 days. It was exhausting and so much fun. My lovely roommate Tori came back to town (she goes home in the summers) to hang out for a night and her and I, along with a bunch of friends, got all fancied up and went to the Distillery District in Toronto. It was a great night.

These last 2 weeks have been crazy busy. The end of my summer semester is near, my last exam is 9am on monday and I'm in the midst of studying. Its for pharmacology- a class i absolutely love! Yesterday some friends and I went to this old rock quarry near town and spent the afternoon swimming and exploring and having a blast. Have i mentioned lately that I love my life here?

Last night was The Bridge and I'm now a 'supervisor'! Exciting stuff! That's all for now. Peace.

Rachel- Email me info about your wedding already!

Death Bed- Reliant K.

2009-06-27T06:37:00.000-07:00

I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can't believe this is the end

But this is my deathbed
I lie here alone
If I close my eyes tonight
I know I'll be home

The year was nineteen forty one
I was eight years old and
Far far too young
To know that the stories
Of battles and glory
Was a tale a kind mother
Made up for her son
You see
Dad was a traveling preacher
Teaching the words of the Teacher
But mother had sworn
Went off to the war
And died there with honor
Somewhere on a beach there
But he left once to never return
Which taught me that I should unlearn
Whatever I thought a father should be
I abandoned that thought
Like he abandoned me

By forty seven I was fourteen
I'd acquired a taste for liquor and nicotine
I smoked until I threw up
Yet I still lit 'em up for thirty more years
Like a machine

So right there you have it
That one filthy habit
Is what got me where I am today

I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can't believe this is the end
I can hear those sad memories
Still haunting me
So many things
I'd do again

But this is my deathbed
I lie here alone
If I close my eyes tonight
I know I'll be home

I got married on my twenty first
Eight months before my wife would give birth
It's easier to be sure you love someone
When her father inquires with the barrel of a gun
The union was far from harmonious
No two people could have been more alone than us
The years would go by and she'd love someone else
And I realized I hadn't been loved yet myself

And there's your typical spiel
Yeah if life was a highway
I was drunk at the wheel
I was helping the loose ends
All fall apart
Yeah I swear I was destined to fail
And fail from the start

I bowled about six times a week

The bottle of Beam kept the memories from me
The marriage had taken a seven-ten split
Along with my pride the ex-wife took the kids

I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can't believe this is the end
I can hear those sad memories
Still haunting me
So many things
I'd do again

But this is my deathbed
I lie here alone
If I close my eyes tonight
I know I'll be home

I was so scared of Jesus
But He sought me out
Like the cancer in my lungs
That's killing me now
And I've given up hope
On the days I have left
But I cling to the hope
Of my life in the next
Then Jesus showed up
Said "Before we go"
"I thought that we might reminisce"
"See one night in your life"
"When you turned out the light"
"You asked for and prayed for my forgiveness"

You cried wolf
The tears they soaked your fur
The blood dripped from your fangs
You said, "What have I done?"
You loved that lamb
With every sinful bone
And there you wept alone
Your heart was so contrite

You said, "Jesus, please forgive me of my crimes
Sanctify this withered heart of mine
Stay with me until my life is through
And on that day please take me home with you"

I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can't believe this is the end
I can hear You whisper to me,
"It's time to leave
You'll never be lonely again"

But this was my deathbed
I died there alone
When I closed my eyes tonight
You carried me home

[Jon Foreman of Switchfoot sings, as the voice of Jesus:]
I am the Way
Follow Me
And take My hand
And I am the Truth
Embrace Me and you'll understand
And I am the Light
And for Me you'll live again
For I am Love
I am Love
I, I am Love

Rachel's Big News

2009-06-15T14:51:00.000-07:00

My beautiful friend Rachel.....

commented that she has big news to tell me. Due to the fact that I can't find her or Arielle's phone number, I'm dedicating this post to her big news.

I'm thinking 2 things could be the big news. The first, is that Ellen invited Air and Rach to her show to hang out and talk about their awesome times experiences in Uganda.

Ellen was a HUGE support to the three of us.....

... while we were there. Ellen was always there to lift our spirits and was always the first one to suggest we dance our stresses out. She even had her own room which she kindly let Air and Rach store the bags and bags of shoes these 2 awesome girls collected to bring to Uganda. Ellen even let Rach borrow her air cast shoes! She's so generous!

Now for the big news. I've always known Rachel to a touch fanatical about the rennisance period. And I know for a FACT that were her and her wonderful boyfriend Napthali to get engaged she would have a themed wedding. After all... who doesn't LOVE theme weddings right?
I've been told I look phenomenal in crushed velvet and as a bridesmaid (RIGHT RACH?!) I'll pull off the classic, floor length, long sleeve excellently.

Rach. If i'm right and I have a feeling I am....the three of us....

... are going to experience the best reunion.....

the world has ever seen.....

It's going to be so fantastic that we'll have to eat chicken with this guy again.

My dear Rach. I am SO happy for you and Nap and I cannot WAIT to be with you when you guys start your life together.

Now tell me if i'm right or if i need to delete this post.

Birth

2009-06-13T13:02:00.000-07:00

I saw a c-section at clinical on friday. It was intense. I had no idea the beating a woman's body takes during that whole crazy process. My baby fever has officially been cured.

The only way out.

2009-06-09T06:14:00.000-07:00

I've been going strong for almost 10 months now. School is beating the life out of me and I'm desperate for a break. With 2 weeks till my exams start I'm beginning to fall apart. I'm over tired, way to stressed, overwhelmed and emotional beyond belief. Basically I'm a joy to be around right now.... wait. That should actually read "I'm annoying and miserable and snap at the drop of a hat." Ya- thats better. But don't worry. This post isn't a pity party. Its a swift kick in the pants for myself... which is exactly what I need.

I went to The Bridge to pick up the chapter that we're discussing from The Calvary Road today at this womens group I go to. The chapter is about revival in the home and as I read it after I had screamed into my pillow for a good while and cried and cried on the phone with my mom while desperately trying to finish a paper on cerebral vascular accidents (thrilling!) I thought there was nothing in it for me. Nope. Not one thing. In fact, I decided I was much too tired and much to upset to read my bible and journal like I normally do before sleep.

This morning I woke up early to catch the early bus to school. When i looked at my watch after a good while of waiting at the stop, it read 8:12am. Great. I got up early, got to the stop early, and still somehow missed the bus. So i waited till the 8:30 rolled around. In the meantime I took out the chapter and began reading it again.

"All the things that come between us and others, come between us and God and spoil our fellowship with Him, so that are hearts are not overflowing with the Divine Life."..... Dang. I guess what explains why I didn't want to pick up my bible because I was too angry at the guy I was writing this paper with.

"We think know best, we want our way and we nag or boss the other one; and nagging or bossing leads to the tendency to despise the other one." ...... Um... I guess thats why I was screaming at my computer. My way IS the best though... isn't it?!

"Now the question is, do i want new life, revival in my home? I have got to challenge my heart about this. Am i prepared to continue in this state or am I really hungry for new life, His life in my home?" .........For sure I do. I mean... thats what I've been saying this whole time. I guess i just haven't been acting like it.

"Again and again we will see places where we must yield up our rights, as Jesus yielded up His for us. We shall have to see that the thing in us that reacts so sharply to another's selfishness and pride, is simply our own selfishness and pride, which we are unwilling to sacrifice. " It was at this point in reading that I got it.

I am SO selfish. If something isn't done MY way, there is no way it could possibly be done right. This paper I had to write with another student for example... nothing was good enough. I got so so so worked up over a dumb paper that it actually ruined my night and my mom's because I was on the phone with her a good part of the evening (sorry ma!). My bad attitude and my impatience effected the quality of work I did and effected my partner's too. Who wants to work with someone who is unreasonable and bossy? Not me! But I defintely was that person last night.

"As we bow the neck at the Cross, His self-forgetful love for others, His longsuffering, and forbearance flow into our hearts. The precious Blood cleanses us from the unlove and illwill and the Holy Spirit fills us with the very nature of Jesus."

I wish there was a word that meant more than THANK YOU. Because if there was, thats what I'd be saying to the Lord right now. I'm a mess but I'm so thankful and grateful that the Lord I serve is a pro a cleaning up messes.... and making those messes into something beautiful. Now if you'll excuse me... I have some hardcore apologizing to do.

Calculation Theme

2009-05-30T22:05:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in the library at the hospital where I'm doing my clinical. I was sitting there because I've been barely human for the last while. I was sitting there because I did not -at all- want to be near other people. Then my phone beeps. A new message.......

How are you? thought that I would send you a message of encouragement. Phil 4:13! We can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens us.Those who wait upon the lord will renew their strength they will mount up on wings like eagles they will run and not be weary and walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

I felt my world shift and the darkness lift. Of course! OF COURSE! Of course I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me! Of course my strength will be renewed as I wait on the Lord! Of course.

Fast forward 12 hours. I'm sitting on a bench in the park across from The Bridge and reading my bible.

Hebrews 12 leaps from the page and slaps me across the face with this beauty of a verse....

¹¹No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Fast forward to this morning. I'm sitting on a rock with my feet hanging over the edge to the water below and the sun is warming me as I read from my bible for a good long while. 2 hours later I go to the Silver Bean Cafe and get a coffee and sit down with my Pharm text book. 2 friends walk up a little while later and before long i'm jumping off a cliff in an old rock quarry into freezing cold water and breaking the surface having to work to catch my breath. Then I'm eating salmon and asparagus (my mom and sister will not believe this) and drinking a cup of coffee. Then I'm the judge in a rock throwing competition. Then gravel is being carefully picked out with a knife from my sliced open toe. Then i'm 50 feet underground in an abandoned mine shaft with no light source and 2 friends and in the middle of a giant wonderful adventure. Then i'm having a great conversation about sin and despair and Mary and Martha and i'm eating pizza and cherries and cookies and watching the stanley cup finals.

Then i'm in bed. Ready for sleep and reflecting on a beautiful- amazing- relaxing- adventure of a day, thanking my Lord for beautiful friends, a beautiful day, beautiful nature, and beautiful disciple.

OVERwhelmed.

2009-05-25T07:54:00.000-07:00

"Remember me with favor, my God."

I love Nehemiah. I've read it before but reading it over again this morning was totally different. Maybe it was the delicious coffee or the relaxing environment or maybe it was God speaking to me.

Nehemiah did a crazy thing. He went to King Artaxerxes looking sad and when the king asked what was up, he said "May the king live forever! Why should my face not look sad when the city where my ancestors are buried lies in ruins, and its gates have been destroyed by fire?" Then he prayed to God and spoke to the king and asked to be sent to the city in Judah and rebuild it. The king said "Ya for sure!" and even supplied Nehemiah with safety during the trek and army officers and a cavalry.

I love that Nehemiah didn't give up. He knew what he wanted, and he went for it. He sought the Lord and feared Him. He persevered. He was wise and listened to the Lord. He got the city rebuilt and then in chapter 9 the Levites say to the Israelites this beautiful beautiful speech about how the Lord provided for them, protected them, and remembered them even after the Israelites were arrogant, disobedient, insolent, idolatrous , blasphemous and every other awful thing you can think of.

"In all that has happened to us, you have remained righteous; you have acted faithfully, while we acted wickedly." vs. 33

At the end of chapter 9 and beginning of chapter 10, they make a binding agreement, an oath, to "follow the Law of God given through Moses, servant of God, and to obey carefully all the commands, regulations and decrees of the LORD our Lord.....We will not neglect the house of our God."

I love Nehemiah because it starts out with him being moved by the state of Jerusalem...so much so that he's visibly distressed and he's fasting and praying. He carefully and prayerfully tells the King of his distress and by his wisdom in approaching the King, is granted what he needs to carry out this vision. When faced with opposition many times, Nehemiah responds with confidence. He places guards and soldiers in places where the people working on the wall and reminds the Jew's that God's got them.. "Do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your people.." When another threat came- this time from within the people- Nehemiah says to them "What you are doing is not right. Shouldn't you walk in the fear of our God and avoid the reproach of our Gentile enemies?" He shows integrity. In the third attack, Nehemiah vehemently refuses to play into the enemies attacks and goes to the Lord in prayer ".... but i prayed to the Lord, now strengthen my hands...". When the enemies saw the work that had been done on the wall in just 52 days Nehemiah says "When all our enemies heard about this, all the surrounding nations were afraid and lost their self-confidence, because they realized that this work had been done with the help of our God."

All this to say.... I want to be like Nehemiah. I want to be a leader. A leader with integrity, with conviction, with perseverance. A leader who hears a call and listens to it. A leader who acts. A leader who prayerfully considers their options and seeks the Lord in every aspect.

Insert segue here...

I had an interview for, and was hired by Youth for Christ/Youth Unlimited. I will be working this summer in Lakefield (a small town a 30 min bike ride from peterborough..I'm going to have great legs!) doing a variety of things. Included in the variety are: organizing and running Art in the Barn nights where youth come and we do artsy things together, organizing The Feast- a community meal that happens every wednesday, manning booths at local festivals getting the YFC/YU name 'out there', putting on movie nights in the park once a week in August, and the best part of it all--- hanging out and building relationships with awesome youth! I'm really excited for this opportunity and when the 2 guys interviewing me came back after saying "we'll let you know in a week" and changed it to "we don't need to wait a week, we want you", I was totally overwhelmed.

The thought of the work, and prayer and growth involved with this position makes me shake with excitement. It also makes me tremble in fear. What if I can't connect with the kids? What if I make giant mistakes? What if I'm not good at it? What if I'm not an effective leader? What if I can't do it?

And when I'm done with those thoughts- I grab them and make them obedient to Christ. I'll be able to connect with kids because I'm working for Christ, serving Him with my gifts, and will be blessed. I'll make giant mistakes but I'll make them, learn from them, and be a more effective leader because of it. I'll be good at it because I'm passionate about it, because I've sought the Lord about it and because I've been led to the position by Him. I can do it because it won't be ME whose doing it alone. It'll be me serving the Lord, Him working THROUGH me.

9 months ago you couldn't have paid me to do this. You couldn't have paid me to want to do this. I always said that least favorite age group was jr. high's. I'll be working with a ton of jr. high's this summer. 9 months ago God could have called me to it and I doubt I would have listened.

But 7 months ago God called me to The Bridge and I listened. Christ broke my heart for these kids in the exact same way He did when I was in Uganda. That whole time He was preparing me for this next step in my life. 7 months ago I was in control. I was dependent on myself. 7 months ago I had it all together. 7 months ago I was 110% sure that I was getting in and out of school the fastest way possible and would be writing my last exam on the way to the airport to hop a plane to Uganda. I'm out of control. I'm useless when I depend on myself. I have nothing together. But I'm glad, and I'm blessed.

Because when I read Ephesians 2:10 i know that I am God's handiwork. Created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which Christ prepared in advance for me to do.

And that, my friends, is unbelievably exciting.

Putting my nursing skills to good use....

2009-05-20T09:32:00.000-07:00

It's time to play a little game. I like to call it "Lets see how well you've paid attention in class to see if your self diagnosis is accurate".

Let the games begin!

First- I self diagnose myself with a torn Rhomboideus major muscle of my posterior left back. I am basing this diagnosis on the wide breadth of symptoms i am experiencing and from thorough self questioning.

Secondly- I self diagnose myself with a kidney infection that should have been treated over 3 weeks ago. I'd love to get into the lovely array of signs and symptoms but besides from most of the being pretty embarrassing, i'm not too sure if those kinds are things are appropriate blog topics. :) Due to the craziness of school and life, and the ridiculous lack of walk in clinics in Peterborough I've let this one slip... Cross your fingers I'm not about to go septic or go into acute renal failure due to my reluctance to seek medical attention in a timely fashion.

I'll update later with the doctors medical diagnosis and we'll see if all this money i'm spending is really being put to good use! Cheers!

Beauty

2009-05-18T09:13:00.000-07:00

Therefore since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are- yet he did not sin. Let us approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. - Hebrews 4: 14-16

This morning a good friend of ours and a local pastor came over with a guy who had been away at this christian rehab center for a year. We sat down with tea and we had the best conversation about God, life, ministry, redemption and grace. This guy S told me and Jenn all about his life and how his addiction stemmed from lies that had been placed in him at an early age and how it all grew out of his feelings of being a 'mistake', unloved, and useless. He began using hard drugs, prescription meds and abusing alcohol...living out of these lies he was told and the lies he believed about who he was, what his purpose was, and who God was.

As Christ began to move in his life he met our friend and the pastor guy J. Through relationship with J, S received Christ and tried to live a 'christian' life for a while but eventually turned back to what he knew. J and a few other people from the church confronted him and told him he needed help and so S went away for a year to this rehab place. In a year he has worked through the lies that were planted in his heart and he said that it wasn't the addiction the counsellors tried to fix or reverse. It was the lies that were in S's heart that they worked on and they worked on S learning who God is, and who S is in Christ and what living out of that relationship really looks like.

S said something really interesting. When we turn to Christ we're not patched up, we're born again. I've heard that a million times but it really struck me in that moment. I'm not a drug addict, or an alcoholic but I'm a sinner and there are definitely areas in my life where I constantly fail, I constantly turn away from Christ. I turn from who I am in Christ, and the purpose I have in Him, and live out of lies in my heart. My intense need for controlling my life to the n'th degree is a perfect example. I am lost when I'm not in control. That is so contrary to what it should be. I should be feeling secure when I'm not in control. I feel like Paul in Galatians... a person ruled by rules. Trying desperately to please God with his actions, being in control and only being freed and truly living when he let go of that need for control, a desire to please, and simply live in His identity in Christ.

S said he often thought of the song "i will never be the same again." I remember being here.....

.... sitting on top of Land Rover with my awesome friends on safari in Uganda. I remember watching this storm brew over the Nile and I remember singing that song in my head and knowing it was so true. I will never be the same again.

I feel so blessed to be in this city, surrounded by these people, living out of my identity in Christ. I'm in a constant battle for control and making that desire and though obedient to Christ. "Take every though captive." Written on my mirror is Ephesians 2:10- "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God has prepared in advance for us to do."

As J and S got ready to leave out house, we sat and took time to pray together. It is so beautiful to have prayer be such an easy, familiar, normal part in relationships. I've had a hard, long, overwhelming week- burdened with school, dealing with death as a nursing student, learning to create emotional boundaries so i'm not a mess of a nurse, relationships with friends- and its wonderful to know that I have these people and many others who care for me, who pray for me, who pray with me.

As I grow and mature, my relationship with Christ and my faith in the Lord grow and mature and deepen and my life is so much more full and rich. And as I stumble and fall on this journey- I am comforted to know that I can approach my high priest, knowing full well that I will receive mercy and grace in my time of need. There's this song by Sara Groves called Less like Scars and I think it suits my life right now perfectly.

It's been a hard year
But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's
Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember
And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like
Character

Hosea

2009-05-17T16:23:00.000-07:00

I'm listening to a 5 part series on Hosea by Ravi Zacharias. IT. IS. AWESOME.

You should listen to it. Really- go now and listen.

Two Hands. Jars of Clay

2009-05-16T11:53:00.000-07:00

I’ve been living out of sanity
I’ve been splitting hairs and blurring lines
I am a house that is divided
In my heart and in my mind

I use one hand to pull you closer
The other to push you away
If I had two hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high

I have a broken disposition
I’m a liar who thirsts for the truth
And while I ache for faith to hold me
I need to feel the scars and see the proof

And if we just keep digging we can reach the foundation
Of our souls
And if we just keep cutting all the chains from our hearts
We’ll lose control

And it feels like giving in
It feels like starting over
It feels like waking up, and you know it’s coming
It feels like a brand new day
Open your eyes

Happy Birthday to Me

2009-05-12T03:39:00.000-07:00

It's my birthday today. I had a dream that this person knocked on my window and talk to me, and then someone tapped on my window twice in real life. My sympathetic nervous system kicked into gear and my alpha1 1 receptors dilated my pupils, inhibited salivation, constricted a variety of sphincters; my beta 1 receptors increased my heart rate, heart contractility and conductance; and my beta 2 receptors stimulated bronchodilation, decreased activity in my gastrointestinal tract as well as my urinary system.

I relaxed though. Thanks to my parasympathetic nervous system that stimulated my muscarinic receptors to calm my body right down. Now its 6:55am and i found this beauty of a birthday cake on google. Since i am fasting from McDonalds for 1 year (I've been going strong since January 1), I figured today would be a good day to induldge in an imaginary big mac cake. Trust me- it was delish!

Today I'm going to work hard during my 2 seminars and labs, eat some lunch with good friends, do a ton of homework, and then maybe take a solo meandering around Jackson Park with the Good Book. I'm getting to know Ezekiel.
In absence of the following people: Mollie, Michelle, Rachel, Arielle, Erin and Leigh; I've posted this photo of "Tom" doing the exact birthday jump that I know they would all perform for me had they had been able to be with me in physical form on this 12th of May.

Hmm....

2009-05-11T19:13:00.000-07:00

I'm doing my tutorial prep for pharmacology tomorrow and I came across this little interesting fact...

" it is now acknowledged that when patients have strong spiritual or religous beliefs, these may greatly influence their perceptions of illness and even affect the outcome of pharmacotherapy."

Makes sense right?

"It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone." Ephesians 1:11-13

"If with heart and soul you're doing good, do you think you can be stopped? Even if you suffer for it, you're still better off. Don't give the opposition a second thought. Through thick and thin, keep your hearts at attention, in adoration before Christ, your Master. Be ready to speak up and tell anyone who asks why you're living the way you are, and always with the utmost courtesy. Keep a clear conscience before God so that when people throw mud at you, none of it will stick". 1 Peter 3:13-15

You're gonna want to see this!

2009-05-06T18:29:00.001-07:00

Go HERE. read it. watch it. be amazed. be inspired. do something like...

tell someone

post it on YOUR blog

tweet about it

facebook it

write it on a banner and hire a plane to drag it through the sky

shave it into your dogs fur

write it backwards on your forehead

just don't do nothing.

Summer....??

2009-05-05T10:53:00.000-07:00

Day of 2 of summer school went well, minus the bike ride to school (only because i'm terribly out of shape).

I've begun to really notice just how much UG is in my blood now. My new room has 3 giant blown up black and white photos of sophie, mia and christina over my fire place. Over my bed is a beautiful painting that my roommate Jenn did of a photo i took at STAO in Mafubira. Between my windows is my beautiful ebony wood Africa. Over my desk are more photos and my Isaiah 54:17 piece that hung over my bed for 7 months in Jinja and now hangs over my desk. On my bulletin board is a note from Katie given to me as i was hopping into a car to head for the airport and come back to Canada. There is a painting that my friend Steve did for me at Christmas of my dear Soph, and countless other UG related items.

Today in my disease condition and illness experience class, we had to come prepared with a variety of supports and resources available to someone suffering from a chronic illness. The majority of people chose Alzheimer's or Diabetes. I chose HIV/AIDS.

In my pharmacology seminar we were discussing P-Glycoproteins and how they related to CYP3A4 and what they do in the body. (Am i losing anyone yet?) Besides being ridiculously interesting -for real- P-glycoproteins act as pumps in some tissues and when a drug is given and that drug enters to cell to modify the nucleus or DNA, P-gp's pump that drug out. Its called the MDR1 in the human genes. Pumping drugs out of the cell before they can do their work is bad....obviously. This is the case with many small cell lung cancers which make it so hard to treat.

P-gp's are bad news for HIV/AIDS patients. THe p-gp pump is activated when drugs like Indinivir enter the cell and the drug is pumped right back out. The T helper cells can't access the drug and viral load increases.... Or something like that--- don't take my word for it.

So my prof tells us about grapefruit juice and how it reacts badly with many heart meds but it has been shown to DECREASE P-gp's in patients with HIV therefore making their ARV's more effective. Neat.

Anyway- its day 2 and i'm consumed with homework already. Yesturday i did homework and prep work from 2 to 7 then took an hour break to visit a friend then worked till 930 then went to bed at 10. AHHH. 8 weeks is going to FLY by.

I start another rotation of clinical this saturday on a medical floor. I'm really really REALLY excited to start acute care and learn new skills!

Break is over- time to hit the books again!

We were both drinking fiction with greedy tongues.

2009-05-02T12:06:00.000-07:00

Lately I really love:

Fiction Family particularly the songs "when she's near", "elements combined" and "out of order".
Making my bed in the morning and fluffing my duvet after someone sits on my bed and makes a mark on the bed.
Being barefoot
Painting my finger nails clear.
C. S Lewis and Henri Nouwen
Columbian coffee with 10% cream and one brown sugar packet
Only wearing mascara
Reading my pharmacology textbook
My Gustav Klimt print "Der Kuss" (its that photo above)
Love
Being in Peterborough

Lately I really don't love:

The presence of fruit flies
Straightening my hair
Top 40 music
Thinking about how I may not be able to go to UG for a long time
Washing the toothbrush cup in the bathroom
Feeling obligated
Cursive
Over thinking
Indifference

Holding out for the O

2009-05-01T06:48:00.001-07:00

They did it! Marching around Harpo Studies like Jericho has succeeded.!!!

Check it out HERE

Watch Oprah today. It's going to be WORTH IT.

Peace is the only answer, love is the only way.

2009-04-30T22:23:00.001-07:00

6 days and 13 hours into THE RESCUE (see previous post), 500+ people are going strong in Chicago..... still unrescued. Every other city in the WORLD has been rescued but everyone at Invisible Children and the abductee's who came out all agree that Chicago will be the culminating city. They aren't going home for anyone other than Oprah, Obama or Mrs. Obama.

6 days for a cause so important, so vital to millions of peoples lives.

6 days for a cause crucial to political stability in DR Congo, Uganda and surrounding countries.

6 days for 50,000 children abducted.

6 days for 23 years war.

6 days for over a million ugandans displaced in their own country.

6 days for peace.

www.invisiblechildren.com

Peace is the only answer, love is the only way.

Rescued, April 25, 2009.

2009-04-26T17:29:00.000-07:00

On April 25, 2009 Tori, Jenn, Jasmine, Hanna Wendy and myself, along with 99,994 thousand-ish fellow worldians took to the streets and 'abducted' ourselves. We congregated at Dundas and Yonge square and waited for instructions on our march orders. After about an hour, we began our march with a ton of people watching and police shutting down streets for our 500ish fellow Toronto Rescue Adbuctee's.

We separated ourselves into groups of 20 and each grabbed a hold of the rope, symbolizing being tied together as we march like the child soldiers often are.

As we marched we handed out little cards inviting people to the event and we made a whole heck of a lot of noise!

Wouldn't you know it but Aaron Carter showed up! He's the little brother of Nick Carter, former Backstreet Boy. I told Aaron that I used to love Brian from BSB and was dead set on marrying him but someone else got to him first. Then .........

I let Aaron in on the little known fact that my roommate Jenn (in red) auditioned for his music video when she was a whole lot younger! And for not chosing her (a decision that he's probably regretted ever since) he was chill enough to hang out with us for a few minutes and take a ton of photos.

We get to Queen's Park and set up camp. It was (up until a few minutes after this photo was taken) beeeautiful outside but we saw these dark clouds coming over the city and the wind started picking up....

Jenn and I pray for clear skies as Tori is on the phone with her boyfriend and he's telling her that its storming like mad at his house a few km's away so we hunker down and just as Jenn and I say amen, the skies open up and it starts to p-o-u-r!

Because we are such good planners, we brought little more than nothing to The Rescue but were blessed to find a random backpack and after i asked around if it was anyones, I grabbed the sheet of hole-y plastic that was attached to it and all 6 of us hunkered down for what we thought would be a quick downpour.

Here we are an hour later with the rain still coming down. Unfortunately the rain drove some of the abductee's away but we hardcore'ers, decided to stick it out!

We got 'rescued' pretty soon after we got to Queen's Park. Olivia Chow and Jack Layton came from the NDP party and Jack said he came only because he recieved about 1000 emails the previous week and after researching this 'invisible children' organization all these young people were emailing him about, he was shocked he didn't know the situation, and vowed to us his support for the cause.

We decided to embrace the rain and take the obligatory jumpy photos for a while. Notice the giant puddles forming all around us. Also notice the vert Tori pulls off here and how I can barely get off the ground.

Apparently there was a statue in the park of the man who brought 'sunday school' to Canada! Neat!

Rick Mercer, from This Hour has 22 Minutes, came by too! I asked him if he could call George- they are on the same network after all. I then asked if he was going to make another Talking to American's.... he said nope.

Around 11 or 12, Tori and I took a walk and we took some photos.

The boy in the photo behind me is fighting in Uganda right now. He was abducted and has yet to be rescued.

This was our home for the night. It was not nearly as comfy, warm or dry as it looked. In fact, my head was cushioned by a saturated sleeping bag. Luxury, i know!
This is our little home we rigged up in the midst of the downpour. I think next time we'll pack a tent... or at least a tarp.

Who would have thought that 4 years after seeing the Invisible Children movie, The Rough Cut, I'd be camping out overnight to support a cause that had been seeded so deep in my heart. Who would have thought that at 20 years old i would watch a documentary that would turn out to be the catalyst for some MAJOR life changes. Now.... 4 years later, here i am! A new creation, changed from the inside out, experiencing life and hope and love in a way I'd never thought possible. Wow......

We left our little bench home at 5:30am in order to catch our greyhound bus back to Peterborough at 6:30am. We got home at 9 and cleaned the house prior to church at 10:30am.

As we were standing at Dundas and Yonge at 4pm yesterday, I started tearing as I thought about my friends in Uganda and the Amani mama's who had fled the war in the North- the same war that I was fighting against at that moment.

During the night I met some fellow abductees from across the path who were making their own shelter. We started chatting over talk of twine and discovered we were all Christians. We had the most beautiful amazing alive impromptu prayer session and it felt unbelievable to worship and pray with virtual strangers, to the same Savior. Beautiful!

I met a guy from HQ of Invisible Children in San Diego and had an amazing conversation about our mutual love for Uganda, Galatians, the gospel, and youtube :) I told him if they ever need a nurse, I'm their girl!

I wept through the church service today and had a sob through a worship song. My friend and the youth pastor was speaking on freedom in Christ and I cried and cried and cried the entire sermon. I was an exhausted emotional mess and ditched the young adults lunch for some alone time at home.

A wonderful night!!! And as I finish this off and head to bed, there are STILL cities left unrescued. check out the website HERE to keep tabs on how things are going.

Study Bible Break!

2009-04-23T12:49:00.000-07:00

Have some of you noticed that we are not yet perfect? (No great surprise, right?) And are you ready to make the accusation that since people like me, who go through Christ in order to get things right with God, aren't perfectly virtuous, Christ must therefore be an accessory to sin? The accusation is frivolous. If I was "trying to be good," I would be rebuilding the same old barn that I tore down. I would be acting as a charlatan.

What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn't work. So I quit being a "law man" so that I could be God's man. Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that.
Galatians 2: 17-21

Did you know.......

2009-04-22T10:53:00.000-07:00

that the strongest chemical influence on breathing is H+ ion sensed by the central chemoreceptors of the medulla?

that in a typical 500mL inspiration, about 150 mL fills anatomical dead space and 350 mL reaches the alveoli?

that there are 4 kinds of hypoxia, a deficiency in oxygen in the tissues?

that airflow is directly proportional to the pressure difference between two points and inversely proportional to resistance?

that an alveolus is composed of squamous and great alveolar cells and contains alveolar macrophages (that last line of defense against inhaled debris)?

gastric juices consist mainly of water, HCL and pepsin?

that chief cells secrete pepsinogen, a zymogen which HCL converts to pepsin and that in infants the chief cells also secrete the fat digesting enzyme gastric lipase and the milk curdling secretion chymosin?

that prostates grow from apricot to lemon size between 20 and 65 years old?

that glomerular filtration and urine output increase to dispose of both fetal and maternal wastes but the capacity of the bladder is reduced by pressure from the uterus?

that i am slowly going crazy 1- 2-3 -4 - 5- 6 switch, crazy going slowly am i , 6 -5 -4 - 3 -2 - swtich.

that i have 29 hours until my anatomy and physiology final exam covering 8 months and 1011 pages of ridiculously cool but incredibly frustrating material?

that this could possibly take the cake for the most boring/ coolest post depending on if you hate or love biology?

that i'm taking a 10 minute break from the respiratory system and this is what i've chosen to die (i'm also enjoying a diet coke)?

that i keep forgetting to mail rachel and arielle their super funny card that i got them the day after i received theirs but just cannot for the life of me put it in the mail?

saved and being saved

2009-04-19T11:34:00.000-07:00

Saturday = the bridge = goodness.

during debrief we listened to a voicemail that had been saved about a kid who's given his life to Christ and is pumped about it. He was thanking the message reciever for all his help and said how he met a guy playing guitar and told him 'what he's all about' (aka- Jesus) and then said something that struck me soooo deeply. the kid asked what he could do for this guy who's really been there for him.

whoa. that may not seem like a big deal but its phenomenal. a lot of the time these kids can't think past themselves and for him to say in effect... 'i appreciate you and what you've done for me, i want to give to you now'... thats what we pray for. thats the kind of change we long to see.

so awesome. church today was incredible. i went to a different one than my usual because my friend was speaking and it was awesome-- all about Isaiah 61 and how Jesus came to heal the sick, bind the brokenhearted, set the captives free. He's here and wants to heal us from all the junk that happened in our lives prior to knowing him or while knowing him and taking those lies we believe about ourselves and exchanging them for the truths that are in Him. so good.

6 days till THE RESCUE!!

Chunk of Change

2009-04-18T11:11:00.000-07:00

My roommate Tori is going to Martin Sexton tonight in Toronto. How i wish i could go! He's unreal. Blows your mind. Am i jealous? Yes.

I have been finding/ mollie has been finding the best blogs ever. I've decided to do a favor to the world and post them here for all you to see. It takes a very specific kind of humor to find them funny but they are gold and gold is worth sharing.

www.jedidiah.tumblr.com

www.behindthescenes.invisiblechildren.com

www.yodawgyo.com

Also if you like odd(aka really sweet) music then you will LOVE this song/visual extravaganza then click HERE.

In other news I had a killer convo with a kid at the bridge that straight up made my day. And the best part was that Jenn- my roommate- had an equally killer convo with another kid that straight up made HER day, and when we reconvened at The Night Kitchen moments later for a slice of za and told eachother our stories, we both were floored.

This God we serve is out of control awesome. This youth center we serve at is what Jesus is all about and I think if he was here physically, He'd be a regular.

This saturday, myself, a bunch of friends and 950 other people (so far...) are meeting in Toronto and abducting ourselves for the child soldiers in Uganda. We're being tied together and we're marching 2 miles to our LRA base camp in a park in downtown toronto where we're waiting for big names in the world to come rescue us. We're causing a peaceful ruckus and the words getting out. An extra cool part? Some bridge kids want to come too! There's something inexplainable about being involved in changing a nation, ending a war, and bringing kids home and doing it with 100,000 other people around the world....simultaneously. I believe the right word would be privilege.

Check it and wreck it.

www.invisiblechildren.com

Kind of freaky

2009-04-14T07:48:00.000-07:00

I had a dream that my mom and I were in some war zone and Sophie was with us. There were these potato looking bombs being thrown at us and they'd explode close enough to make me think i was going to die but far enough away as to not kill me. I had my phone and I got a call from a family friend, Shaun, and he asked me if the war was really bad and as i opened my mouth to answer, a bomb hit right near me and I grabbed Soph and my mom and I ran into this beautiful beautiful building that looked like the inside of an A&W but it was a university. Shawn was still on the phone and we huddled between these 2 giant cement pillar things, he asked me if i was ready to chose Jesus if a soldier came to kill me or renounce my faith.

Then i woke up.

When the Saints....

2009-04-13T18:39:00.000-07:00

Lord I have a heavy burden of all I've seen and know, it's more than i can handle, but your word is burning like a fire shut up in my bones and I can't let it go.

And when i'm weary and overwrought with so many battles left unfought I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard, I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars

and when the saints go marching in, i want to be one of them.

Lord it's all i that i can't carry and cannot leave behind, it all can overwhelm me but when i think of all who've gone before and lived a faithful life their courage compels me.

I see the shepherd Moses in the Pharaoh's court, I hear his call for freedom for the people of the Lord

I see the long quiet walk along the underground railroad

I see the slave awakening to the value of her soul

I see the young missionary and the angry spear

I see his family returning with no trace of fear

I see the long hard shadows of Calcutta night

I see the sister standing by the dying man's side

I see the young girl huddled on the brothel floor

I see the man with a passion come kicking down that door

I see the man of sorrow on his long troubled road

I see the world on his shoulders and my easy road.

And when i'm wearing and overwrought with so many battles left unfought, I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard, I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars.

And when the saints go marching in, I want to be one of them.

- sara groves.

Proverbs 3

2009-04-02T10:36:00.001-07:00

Don't lost your grip of love and loyalty. Tie them around your neck; carve their initials on your heart.

Earn a reputation for living well in God's eyes and the eyes of people.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own.

Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track.

Don't assume you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil!

Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life!

Honor God with everything you own; give him the first and the best.

Your barns will burst, your wine vats will brim over.

But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline; don't sulk under his loving correction.

It's the child he loves that God corrects; a fathers delight is behind all this.

...........

Never walk away from someone who deserves help; your hand is God's hand for that person.

Don't tell your neighbor "Maybe some other time" or "try my tomorrow" when the money's right there in your pocket.

Love Break Me

2009-03-30T09:19:00.000-07:00

----I cannot sense you close, though I know you're always here but the comfort of you near is what i long for----

I've said this many times but I think i need to say it again. I love Peterborough. I love the people I have been introduced to, formed friendships with, the church i attend, the university I go to, the youth center i volunteer at.... everything really.

Sometimes i feel overwhelmed at how God has so precisely taken care of every need in my life thus far. Its hard for me to feel worthy of that kind of care and I often focus on the lies Satan feeds me through my weaknesses that block the encouragement I so desperately need sometimes.

I don't hear an audible voice from God. I don't see pictures or words in the clouds with answers to my questions. What I do hear are the words of wise friends that the Lord has strategically led me to. I see the lives of other Christians living out Christ's commands in their own lives and as I admire their commitment, I learn from their example.

This morning I went to grab a coffee on my way to the library and my roommate Jenn and a youth pastor/awesome guy Jeff were having coffee. I sat down to talk to them and Jeff was telling us about everything he's been learning about prayer and a bunch of other stuff that struck my soul and the waterworks began. I know God is working in my life and i believe it, but these lies that i've believed for my whole life about not being good enough, not pretty enough, not being worthy enough, not being smart enough, just not being enough stick to my spirit and repel the truths of Christ. Jenn, Jeff and I are going to meet and be praying through things in my life and in my past that have lead me to believe in these lies and work through all this junk that I believe as truth.

Jenn and I went to The Bridge to chat with Brenda, the secretary and my 'peterborough mom'. Jenn left and as I was helping Brenda sort out the recycling we started talking about the past week and how it was really hard for me. Rarely have I had Christian friends who would just drop what their doing and suggest we go pray. Rarely have I been the type of Christian friend who would just drop what i'm doing and pray with a friend. Brenda and I prayed in the board room about things going on in my heart and she is just the most wonderful encouragement to me.

I have always lived with this deep need to be perfect on the outside no matter the cost of the turmoil its caused me on the inside. I put outer beauty before inner beauty and lived for the acceptance and admiration of other people. I still do sometimes, and in a way I always will because i'm human, and i'm faulty and i'm a sinner.

I see that God is working in me and I see the roadblocks in my life that prevent a full and total transformation. I long to rid myself of those but I don't know how. "Just pray and ask God to take it away". Easy to say but what about the mornings I wake up feeling no different? Talking no different, acting no different? "Just pray, God hears you". What about when I pray and pray and pray and feel like i'm talking to a brick wall?

--- O love that will not let me go, I rest my weary soul in thee. I give thee back the life i owe, that in thine oceans depths its flow may richer fuller be---

Suubi

2009-03-29T14:26:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel totally and completely useless at The Bridge (TB). Last night was one of those nights. I was so excited to go yesterday and even wrote Erin and Leigh just to tell them that. It's getting warmer and that means we have to be aware of what's going down outside TB in the back parking lot. One staff should try to be out there, holding down the fort. I went out for the first half of the night and between the "hey- f bombs don't fly here" and the "see that can strategically placed in your line of sight for cigarette butts? use it", I helped time 100 m dashes, challenged kids to run around the building in less than 20 seconds for a free pop, and chatted with new kids I hadn't seen around in a while or at all.

Drama seemed to be the theme of the night and with 40 or so teenagers hanging out, stuff was primed to go down.... this is where the 'totally and completely useless' emerges.

Trying to mediate between 2 teenage girls is hard. Trying to be the voice of reason is hard. Trying to get them to see things beyond what their emotions would let them..... beyond difficult. Trying to do this every saturday by myself, trusting in myself to get me through it..... impossible.

During debrief, a supervisor said something that really struck me. While we were praying, he prayed something like "God- I can't wait for the day when I stand before you and we look at what we've done together, knowing I did it with you, as team players." How many times have I looked to my own strength to get me through a situation? too many. How many times have I thought that i didn't need help, I could do it on my own? too many.

How many times have I been proven wrong when i've thought my own strength was sufficient, no help was needed, that i could do it on my own? um.... let's count... how about EVERY TIME. And with every failed attempt at going it alone, I'm reminded that this road isn't meant to be walked alone. In those times when I'm trusting in Him, I don't feel like I want to give up. I don't feel like I'm completely and totally useless.

"Since God has so generously let us in on what he is doing, we're not about to throw up our hands and walk off the job just because we run into occasional hard times. We refuse to wear masks and play games. We don't maneuver and manipulate behind the scenes. And we don't twist God's Word to suit ourselves." 2 Cor 4:1-2

When I pray that God would use me, I mean it. When I hang out at TB with these kids, I do it because I believe in that place. I believe in everything is represents. I do it because I've grown to love them and appreciate them and want the best for them. And I believe that the best for them involves a relationship with Christ.

I want them to feel this love. I want them to believe in this hope. I want them to see this grace.

"So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace." 2 Cor 6:4

Current Obsessions

2009-03-26T20:41:00.001-07:00

Awhile back, Leigh wrote a blog about her current obsessions and challenged her readers to do the same. Leigh- this post is for you!

Lately I have really enjoyed mowing down a crisp, cold granny smith. Early in the morning or after a good long swim, there is nothing better.

I've never been the most outdoorsy girl but this summer i intend on becoming one. I also want to go camping for real. I've been twice before but they don't count because one time was in grade 6 on a field trip and one time was an hour from my house. While I'm camping, I want to enjoy comfortable footwear which brings me to my next obsession. I love looking for a good deal on Chaco's online and while I have yet to purchase a pair, I will, once i go to a store and try on a pair so I know the exact size.
I love dogs. I especially love boxers. I know that this is a golden retriever but I have to include it because a) he's got the cutest face and b) i MAY chose a GR over a boxer if i were to ever live on a farm, fish a lot, or decide that i don't mind being covered in dog hair. until then......
I will continue being in love with Boxers. Sometimes i think they are actually kind of ugly- like this photo. He doesn't seem as attractive a purchase as Buddy one photo up but I think they're so cool and would be really fun to run with. Plus I'm naming my dog Scout and it suits a boxer better.

Normally, i love being in bare feet. But lately I've been LOVING my champion socks. I get bulk packs from Costco and they are good quality and oh so comfortable.

I am currently obsessed with looking at houses online. Recently I found this little gem, here in Peterborough, and I often day dream about organizing and rearranging my non existent house. I flip between wanting to hop a plane to Uganda as soon as I fill in the last letter on the scan tron sheet of my RN exam and settling down here, having a cute house, a cute family, and a cute dog.

I am currently obsessed with love. Not even me being in love really... lately I just really love love. Maybe it has something to do with all the great love stories I've read/watched/know lately. Either way- I love love and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

I am currently/continually obsessed with FAIL BLOG. It is a hilarious website and i check it often.

Another great website is bookmarked on my computer as "Natch News". Now I realize that there are many people out there who are die hard animal lovers and can't stand to watch those world wildlife foundation commercials and stuff but really, unless its a horse or a dog i really like, i could care less about animals. In fact, right next to my bookmarked Natch News, is my bookmarked BBC Africa. I like human news way better than animal news but sometimes you can learn the coolest/dumbest things....take for example THIS little ditty how aphids like to snuggle with their dead friends for protection. Who knew?!

Jebale Sseybo

2009-03-25T11:17:00.000-07:00

I just had a full on conversation in my head with a fictitious taxi driver outside the Entebbe airport.

My friend April and I had lunch together and a good essay writing session at a cafe downtown and we planned our entire trip to Uganda this Christmas. I can see/hear my mom sighing right now and thinking i'm nuts (in a good way). I get pumped when I talk about Uganda and i LOVE having friends to like to hear about it (or at least pretend to like to hear about it).

Christmas 09. Uganda. What's better you ask? Nothing in my books.

Hebrews 6:13-20 "When God made his promise to Abraham, he backed it to the hilt, putting his own reputation on the line. He said "i promise that i'll bless you with everything i have- bless and bless and bless!" Abraham stuck it out and got everything that had been promised to him. When people make promises, they guarantee them by appeal to so some authority above them so that if there is any question that they'll make good on the promise, the authority will back them up. When God wanted to guarantee his promises, he gave his word, a rock solid guarantee- God can't break his word. And because his word cannot change, the promise is likewise unchangeable. We, who have run for our very lives to God, have every reason to grab hold the promised hope with both hands and never let go. It's an unbreakable spiritual lifeline, reaching past all appearances right to the very presence of God where Jesus, running on ahead of us, has taken up his permanent post as high priest for us, in the order of Melchizedek."

Colossians 1:17

2009-03-24T20:30:00.000-07:00

"He is before all things and in Him all things hold together."

Relief

2009-03-24T12:54:00.000-07:00

I finished my Anatomy and Physiology bell ringer. I have one more exam (the giant final) and then i'm done with this course forever!!!!

I had a rough night. I sound like a broken record but I hate living in a dirty house. I cleaned before i went to bed on sunday night while my roommates and friends had a 10 hour all night study party.... the outcome of which I did not want to deal with. I don't understand why someone won't clean up their mess if coffee is shot across a table and splatters over a giant portion of wall and slides down to a nice puddle under the table. Anyway- I came home after studying in the library for 9 SOLID hours and all i wanted was a glass of water. I go into the kitchen, turn on the light and its like a tornado struck. I sigh and open the cupboard where our cups usually are only to find the entire 3 shelve thing empty. completely empty. not even a coffee mug was clean. f-r-u-s-t-r-a-t-i-n-g. Adding to the misery of my mind was the fact that i'd booked my plane tickets home for april 3rd but now all i want is for april 3 to get here and some bad news from home. I woke up this morning worn out and called my friend so we could meet at 9 for breakfast.

She was late and so i just sat and read my bible while i waited and tried to chill. I started reading 1st Samuel and got really into it. I love that Elkannah loved Hannah so much even though she was had an 'empty womb'. I love how it says that Hannah's "face was no longer downcast" when Eli told her that the God of Israel would grant her what she asked of him. I love how it says that the Lord 'remembered' Hannah. What i love most is that Hannah praised God even after she had weaned Samuel and went to give him to the Lord. It seems to me that the natural reaction would be for her to just 'forget' that she'd made the promise in the first place- after all- she'd wanted this child for so long. But later it talks about how Hannah was blessed with more children because she was faithful to her Lord. He blessed her beyond what she prayed for and asked for because of her faith.

I want to be like that. I want to be like Hannah with tons of faith. I want to be like Abigail who was beautiful AND intelligent. I want to be a great friend like Ruth.

hmm..... do you think Hannah would silently scream at her roommates??? shoot.

Jesus Loves the little Choodren

2009-03-23T10:54:00.000-07:00

Musa Musana

2009-03-23T10:37:00.000-07:00

Loveliest Sound

2009-03-23T09:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to this church to stand in front of a table with a bunch of Youth Unlimited/ Bridge stuff on it and chat with people and tell them about what we do and volunteering. There wasn't a whole lot of traffic coming by so Carlo and I just talked for a while with the other people presenting their 'services' too. We met this one girl, (lets call her Jane), and she came up and her and I started talking. She is from the Youth Emergency Shelter that is just up the street from The Bridge and was telling me about how impressed she had been with the building when its space was offered for the YES kids to do school in when their roof got blown off in a storm a few years ago. Jane and I get to chatting more and Carlo cuts in and suggests we go to Starbucks during the service when no one is out looking at booths.

We get to starbucks and Jane starts asking us a bunch of questions. Her parents were never religious but she felt like she was missing out on something. She asked about denominations and what that meant- the difference between them. She asked what church Youth Unlimited was affiliated with (we're not with ONE but with many) and she asked how you can go to church, if you must be a member or if you can just pick one and go to it.

Carlo laid out the gospel to Jane like I've never seen done and I just sat their and listened as he answered each of her questions with simplicity and truth. It was beautiful to see the change in her face and the wheels in her head turning as she took this all in. She asked what the difference between Carlo's church and my church was and he got to tell her all about pentecost and Christ's death. He took it back to Genesis and explained the 'fall', sin, the need for atonement, the sacrifices the Israelites made to atone for their sins, the need for something to take our place since we deserved death but were not holy- therefore our death would be useless. He told her about Pilate and how he said that the people could have Jesus or Barabas; a murderer and thief. He also said something that blew my mind! Barabbas means "son of the father". So the Son of the Father, took the place of the son of the father. ummm...HOW COOL!

It was so awesome to be a part of that. When i got home, I immediately called my mom and told her (she loves hearing this kind of stuff). We get back to the Church to do the last hour a half of booth manning and Jane does 4 tables down to her booth and me and Carlo just look at eachother like WOW! He says "Amy- that's why we are here today. " He invited her to join us at each of our churches and we'd help her get plugged in somewhere because its much less intimidating.

Ephesians 2: 8-10 "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no man can boast. For we are God's handiwork, created in CHrist Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

I love this change happening. I love that I'm living my faith out, being challenged and encouraged. I love this city and what is happening in it......

But today i'm sad. I really really miss my beautiful wonderful spectacular sister and my awesome parents. I miss my crazy niece and my sweet sweet sweet little nephew. I miss my friends Jac and Curtis and I miss my Africa journals that i read all the time at home. I miss Mollie too. This school thing has really got me down lately. I just want to quit. I really miss having older friends sometimes too. I want to go to North Carolina and see my sweet FBPC girls, Leigh and Erin. I want to talk Uganda and Ethiopia with them. I watched Invisible Children with myself the other night and it brought back SO many emotions. I miss Uganda. I miss Sophia and lately I purposely try not to think about her because I feel my memories slipping away and that hurts more than not being with her right this second. I'm in a funk and I need to snap out of it.

So blog stalkers and followers. I need encouragement today. Comment with your fav "crappy day- pick me up verses".

"Rejoice always. Pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ." - Thessalonians 5:16-18

Reminisce

2009-03-20T18:40:00.001-07:00

I've been re-reading me and Bethany's blog lately and I came across THIS POST.

It's from Tuesday, October 23, 2007. I had gotten home 5 days prior to have my surgery.

I noticed people putting up posters downtown today. On the posters was a notice of a guy in peterborough who was known around town as the window washer guy. Apparently he sang loudly and everyone downtown knew him. He lived in a men's shelter (i think) and yet had such a large impact on the community.

It makes me wonder what impact I'll have made when I head to heaven.

Thankful

2009-03-19T20:10:00.000-07:00

I love re-reading my journal. I pray in my journal and i write nightly, right before i go to bed to the soothing sounds of Ravi Zacharias. I love seeing how far i've come in a matter of months and I love being excited for how far i have to go. I also love seeing how the Lord has answered certain prayers and has done so exactly when i most needed Him too.

I prayed and prayed and prayed for a great Godly older woman friend and weeks later i met Richelle. We've started running together and I actually look forward to 6:30 am run times where I can unload my week on her and hers on me and we talk through it all and she gives me great insights.

Then my lovely facebook/blog prayer circle started with Erin and Leigh and it has blessed me SO much. They put up with my giant long winded messages and pray for me and I read their lovely succinct messages and pray for them and its encouraging and exactly what good friendship should be.

We watched a video in church the other week on what poverty really is and the man in the video suggested that poverty is a lack of friends. I love having a group of friends who cares so deeply about serving people and so so so deeply about serving the poor (in whatever form that poverty may present itself).

I love Brooke Fraser. Her songs are simple but speak to me. One song, Faithful, has this verse in it and i LOVE it.

"When i can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same

When I can't hear you, I know you still hear every word i pray

And i want you more than i want to live another day

And as i wait for you, maybe i'm made more faithful"

I love it because I comforts me when i feel like i'm waiting for God to speak to me or reveal something to me and its taking forever in 'amy time'.....but during that wait i'm learnig patience and being made more faithful.

Mollie comes to visit!

2009-03-19T11:56:00.000-07:00

Hunter Street!

Overlooking the largest cement bridge in the world....or something like that.
Mollie has fantastic eyes.
The Night Kitchen has fantastic pizza
White glue is a much cheaper version os Biore strips!
Mollie and a robot.

Long...but good! I Promise!

2009-03-12T08:57:00.000-07:00

With the amount of intrigue i feel towards the human body, what its made of, how it works, how it fails to work, you'd think i'd have a stellar mark in my anatomy and physiology class. unfortunately for my gpa, i don't. But this insane level of intrigue makes me curious and always wanting to know more.

I often wonder what my A&P prof believes. It is very clear that she loves biology and she loves to teach it as well. I love biology but i like to learn about it on my own time, in my own way. Like right now for example. I came to the peterborough library so i wouldn't get distracted at the university library. As i was walking to my favorite spot, my eye caught a glimpse of a magazine and i had to read it. It's an article in the New York Times Magazine about undiagnosed diseases and how this the National Institutes of Health in Oregon have developed an Undiagnosed Diseases Program.

I find it fascinating that these intricate and delicate masses of matter in our skulls can name 6,600 diseases. But what's even more fascinating to me, is the thousands of undiagnosed diseases that our intricate and delicate masses of matter in our skulls just cannot, for the life of us, figure out.

The woman in the article, Summer, has an odd array of co-morbidity's and has suffered long and hard from strange symptoms such as retinal bleeding, small oddly shaped pointy teeth, severe seizures occurring every few minutes, high blood pressure, edema, intestinal bleeding, vomiting, diarrhea, venous lakes in her brain as a result of benign tumors that are caused by collapsing capillaries...etc.

So there is a giant team of specialist working on her and doing every test known to man to figure out what is going on in her body. Every specialist is relating it back to their favorite organ, but this lead doctor, thinks its something else. He wonders if there is a problem with her basement membranes. Specifically, he thinks she could have a problem with one of the 20 or so proteins that express themselves in the basement membrane. More specifically than that, he thinks that she may have a deletion or duplication of SNP's (snips). Each SNP (single nucleotide polymorphism) represents a small change in the 3 billion nucleotides in the human genome. BY itself, any SNP is unlikely to have any major effect, but a duplication or deletion; and several in a row, could have significant meaning and could potentially interfere with the functioning of a single gene. Summer's tests came back normal, she had 47 SNP regions and the average is 50. Interesting. Then they test her skin cells and her fibroblasts are barely growing in the dish, while the melanocytes are growing in bizarre shapes.

Ok, many of you may have found that boring... unless your my mom. But all that to say one important thing.

I sat here in the library feeling overwhelmed by one small little passage.

"For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because i am FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made; your works are wonderful, i know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when i was made in that secret place. When i was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body." - Psalm 139:13-14

Excuse me, but HOW COOL is that. Really... How insanely sweet is it that my body is so uniquely and specifically made that one tiny defect can alter my body's composition so uniquely and specifically. Lord thank you for my health!

One more thing. Reading this giant super cool article, thinking about the loads of A&P homework i have to do, and about my pathophysiology tutorial today and all i'll learn in it, makes me feel so desperately heartsick for people just don't feel the same way.

Ravi Zacharias puts it soooo well when he answers a man who asks him why he doesn't believe in atheistic evolution....

"If you're telling me that matter has caused mind, then no i do not believe.... do you believe that time plus matter plus chance has produced your brain? I really don't know what chance means to you. I've read books on the philosophy of chance, but frankly i've come to the conclusion that chance is just a catch word to explain what you don't understand. If i were to ask you to show me chance, we can't stand at the window together and you say "there goes chance". See chance doesn't have a body. If you take a coin and toss it into the air and 9 times in a row it comes down heads, the possibility of it coming down tails the 10th time is 50/50. Chance doesn't have a body, doesn't have power, and frankly i believe that chance is nothing. chance is no thing. and just in case you don't know what nothing means, Aristotle defined nothing as "that which rocks dream about". You can't conceive of it in your mind. But i'll give it you.. time plus matter plus chance has created your brain. If time plus matter plus chance has created your brain, then truth as an absolute category no longer exists. Because truth but nature is absolute. time is changing, matter is changing, chance- whatever it is- is changing. You never get time, matter and chance remaining the same. if time plus matter plus chance has created your brain, truth as an absolute statement no longer exists because if it is an absolutely truthful statement with the givens its true on monday, true on tuesday, true on wednesday and so on and so forth but with the fluctuation and flux of time plus matter plus chance, truth as a category no longer exists. he said "i believe that to be correct" i said "if that is correct, how do you know it is true, that time plus matter plus chance has created your brain?" ...... Somewhere in the foundations of science, somewhere in the foundations of mathematics, somewhere in the foundations of physics and chemistry and geology and theology at the foundation of all of these systems are some philosophical assumptions which you cannot deny. to deny them is to assert them, when you assert them you prove them and you cannot deny it without asserting it."

Shedding shallow skin

2009-03-08T13:34:00.000-07:00

It's been a TOUGH week. I've felt pressed on every side and I've felt my faith being shaken like never before. Its a strange feeling but one i'm grateful for.

Last night was the icing on the 'tough week' cake. I'd love to tell you all what went down but don't want to blast it all over blog world. (I'm slowly learning mom! :)) Suffice it to say that I felt completely ill equipped and definitely out of my element. I knew these kids had crappy lives and had felt pain i've never had to but what happened last night tipped the already overflowing glass and my emotions went crashing. I didn't know what to do and I went and talked to the director and supervisor that night, Carlo. I had a full-on 'ugly cry' and just broke. right. down. I felt the full weight of these kids misery and desperation and hurt and it was like i could feel my heart breaking apart. I told Carlo I didn't know how he did it. How day after day for the last however many years, he's been there for these kids. Counseling them, pouring love into them, being there for them....he must be so tired. And when i asked how he did it, he gave the best answer. "Amy, I don't do it. God does it through me. And ya- you're right. sometimes its brutal. Sometimes it really sucks. but you and i both know how worth it it is. And you are equipped. This is when the Holy Spirit moves through us and in us. This is when we give up and give in."

It's hard to put into words the feeling I get with that place. I feel like I went to Uganda to see and taste and feel 'real' poverty- like there wasn't any here. It seems like the Lord led me to Uganda and through that- He's shown me that the same poverty that happens over there, happens right here. On the very same street that I live on. Desperation knows no border, no age, no race, no sex, no tax bracket. But oh the joy to serve the desperate! Oh the joy to see Jesus in these kids faces. These kids in gangs with their 'colors' hanging out, silently yelling other kids that they belong somewhere. with some people. The scars on the arms of kids where the a razor blade is preferable to reality. The tough exterior hiding a crushed spirit inside. This is the lost. This is the poor, the poor in spirit.

Oh Lord, that you would use me!

I got home at 2:30am and crashed, totally drained. Then this morning, I got up and picked up a 'bridge kid' and her older sister and brought them to church. And you know what? THAT makes it worth it.

I never used to be a 'deep feeler'. Sure, i love africa a whole whole lot but something in my heart changed while i was in Uganda and its like God gave me this hypersensitivity to hurt. A blessing and a curse? yes. I LOVE this place. I love this place i'm at. I love that through this crap, through the trials, i'm being transformed. I don't know how that looks yet and i'm not exactly excited about the process but if I'm to serve my Lord, I want to be how he wants me to be.

We pray every week at The Bridge that the kids will feel like its a safe place and I can't tell you the feeling I got when what happened last night happened, and a youth came and said she needed to talk because she felt safe there. Yes Lord. We are doing something right.

I've been struggling with big questions this week and like always, my daily dose of Ravi Zacharias speaks to my life. I listen to Ravi before bed and the last 2 nights I've listened to 'Questions of a man in agony' about Job. And i realize i don't NEED these big questions answered, I'm content to serve the one who knows holds the answers.

This weekend.....

2009-03-02T06:41:00.000-08:00

this church is were 2500 (two thousand five hundred) people were hoping to find safety. 5 minutes before the Interwahamwe came to massacre them, the RPF came and shuttled them to safety and 2500 were saved from death.

My first view of Rwanda. I LOVE this photo.
Mass graves at Gszozi Memorial Center that are still being dug and still being filled....
Mass graves
Hotel Rwanda! Bethany and I go to stay here!

I have a date with myself and possibly my roommate Jenn to go hear Carl Wilkens and Romeo Dallaire speak at a conference called RWANDA AND BEYOND. How cool! AH. It can only have been divine intervention that i even saw the poster. I needed a coffee this morning and in order for me to get that coffee ihad to go take 20 dollars out and wouldn't you know it but the poster for the event was directly in front of the machine.

If you've never read Shake Hands With The Devil, and you LOVE Rwanda and learning about Africa and genocide, you need to read this book. Its spectacular and heartbreaking but powerful. Its especially meaningful to me since i was able to go to Rwanda and see and feel and smell and taste the incredible beauty that Rwanda is. LOVE it. and because I am now in a nostalgic mood- i will post some photos of my lovely Rwanda.

Collegiate Conversation

2009-02-26T19:34:00.000-08:00

This is a conversation my roommate Tori and I had with our friend April literally, 2 minutes ago.

april says "guys, don't you ever wish that you could go to a school where they teach really useful, everyday skills?"

me and tori say "sure ape- like what?"

april says "I dont know, like....wilderness survival...or bead work!"

i say "wait april- bead work? really?!"

april says "ya- or like pottery, i would LOVE to make pots. Do you know how great it would be to do a class on vitamins? I would LOVE to know how many calories are in like...say.. a carrot."

tori says "i learned about transfats the other day. your body can't break it down"

April "ya, like gum it just sits there and no one knows what to do with it. see brock(her brother) and i today were talking about like what we are going to do if this recession makes people go nuts and people try to destroy the world, and like people will just flood into canada. its 3000 dollars to buy a food kit and we're going to move to northern BC and i'm going to fish and plant a garden and Brock will probably just sleep and eat, and he said 'as long as mom comes, we're fine' and i said "mom's not going to want to live in the wilderness'... i don't know if we'll survive the winter though, we'll have a party before we go and get hardcore winter wear. i don't even like to camp normally! i'm not a big camper. i like the cottage but really...i don't even care, we don't even need running water, but i'd really like a bed, a roof and not bugs."

I swear we're smart people. I swear we're actually all university students learning valuable things. But sometimes you just need to have moments i guess right!?

Micah 6:1-8

2009-02-24T06:38:00.001-08:00

In church on sunday we started going through the minor prophets. We learned about the famous verse in Micah "what does the Lord require of you...."

First of all- this church is SWEET. Its in a classroom at a college in town and the seats are so comfy and its small (maybe 50ish people) and it feels like every week is a family reunion. We sing beautiful hymns and songs i've never heard and have coffee breaks were we 'go connect'. I'm talking like i've been going forever but really last week was my 3rd sunday :)

So Dave gives us background of the passage and whats happening. Its a court scene with God as the prosecutor, Israel as the defense and creation as the jury. The charge is that Israel has grown tired of God and wants to go their own way so Israel is asking "God, what does it take to make you happy?"

God says "hey people....what have i done to you? how have I burdened YOU? I took you from Egypt, took care of you in the 40 years you were wandering about, sent good men and women to lead you, saved you from people who wanted to destroy you!"

And Israel responds sarcastically , adding to the laws "What do you want God? What do i need to give to come before you? Do you want me to give you burnt offerings? Will thousands of rams please you? Want some 10 thousand rivers of oil? ....(and the kicker...) How about i kill my firstborn for my transgressions?"

To this God gets a little ticked and says "ok- thats enough- you KNOW what i require of you but here, let me tell you yet again. 3 things guys- act JUSTLY, LOVE mercy and put aside your pride and walk humbly with me." Thats it.

Those 3 things can't be separate though. They are one and to walk humbly with God, we must be doing the other 2 as well.

Mercy without justice is chaos. Justice apart from mercy is cruel. And pride of oneself above God is destructive. We need to be justice DOERS not peace talkers. Acting justly doesn't only apply to situations AFTER the injustice has taken place. We must be actively seeking to help people to spare them from acts of justice- acting justly before any injustice even takes place.

There were 8 levels of charity according to Jewish law back in the day. (level 8 being worst, 1 being best)

8- giving to the poor unwillingly

7- giving to the poor gladly

6- giving to the poor after being asked to

5- giving to the poor before being asked to

4- giving to to someone you don't know but the recipient knows you gave it to them

3- giving to someone you know, but the recipient doesn't know you.

2- giving to someone you don't know and the recipient doesn't know you either

1- strengthening someone by giving a loan, making a partnership, finding them a job etc, so that you help raise them out of the poverty they are in and no longer will be in need.

Interesting stuff. I came home from church and did what i normally do...check the blogs, and i read Katie's blog about Sumini's sister Zuula and i just sat at my desk and cried. At the end of the post she asks her readers one question "are you doing what makes your heart sing? are we living generously and expansively?"

She closes with this verse that sums it up nicely. "Dear dear corinthians, I can't tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life. We didn't fence you in. The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren't small, but you're living them in a small way. I'm speaking as plainly as i can and with great affection. Open up your lives. Live openly and expansively!" - 2 Cor 6:11-13 (the message)

To live openly and expansively, for Christ, requires us to care for those around us. The ones that are visible and the ones we have to look a little deeper to see. We need to act justly, to love mercy and walk humbly with our God.

Nana Cameron- You can get to your dear Katies blog by clicking HERE. love you!

It takes 2 to go to war but only 1 to fall in love.

2009-02-23T18:41:00.001-08:00

Copeland- You are my sunshine. Chillest album ever. So good. Leigh- I THINK (but i'm not too sure) that you'd like it.

I don't have a whole lot to say but my sister is apparently desperate for a new post.

- i HATE basil. it was my roommates birthday tonight and SHE made US supper. Nice right? My internal reaction of "EEEEEWWWW!!!"..... not so nice.

- sometimes i really really want to litter but i think of my best friend bethany and how disappointed she'd be so i don't.

- i just paused my music (copeland) and heard on the tv... "tours of Toronto's dirtiest bathrooms". thats gross.

- yesturday there was a really weird freak 20 minute blizzard and i saw this boxer playing with his 2 owners and it made me SO happy to see the dog so happy. and then i thought how WEIRD it was that i felt that way. and then i got excited because as soon as i get married i'm definietly getting a dog and naming it Scout!

- if i had won the giant 52 million lottery this weekend i would do the following.

- give erin and scott whatever they wanted so they could get to uganda ASAP

- get my parents a really nice bungalow so they dont have to walk up and down stairs when they get old

- i'd get highlights for the heck of it! YAY!!!!

- i'd buy a horse and bring it to uganda with me with a beautiful english saddle and

a western one too for trekking the hills.

- i'd build a cute clinic and treat sick people in Uganda

- i'd give a ton to Katie because shes out of this world awesome and has the biggest heart possible

- i'd take care of all immediate family and my nana and buppa and nana and grampy

but i guarantee they'd want me to use it for africa because thats just how cool and awesome and loving they all are!!!

- then i'd get my financial advisor, curtis, to invest it so that i'd make so much off the interest that i would be able to tithe and give away like 99.9% every year and live off of the bare minimum.

- my friend curtis bet me 250 dollars that i couldn't not eat mcdonalds for 365 days. today is day 53 and i can't wait till 11:59:59 of dec 31, 2009 when i can put my hand out and accept 250 big ones.

- today was dollar days at No Frills and my most expensive purchase was 4 sweet potatoes.

- i'm ridiculously exited for the bachelor next week. seriously. i've been waiting 7 weeks now for Deanna to come back and finally she does next week.

- i randomly messaged a youth from the bridge to go for coffee and she called and said she'd been going through the toughest few weeks ever and really needed to chat. THEN at No Frills i saw a sweet friend and we're going out for coffee this week cause I really need it. I love how God works like that!!!

Family Day in P-Town!

2009-02-21T11:05:00.000-08:00

Here are my friends. They are awesome wonderful hilarious people. Left to right is....

Sam, Bea, April, Me, Michael, Brock and Mike!
Preston is added and April is minused in this one.

If you haven't already.....

2009-02-20T15:26:00.000-08:00

you NEED to see Slumdog Millionaire.

PTL!!!!!

2009-02-19T17:45:00.000-08:00

guess what!!!

after 4 days of stressing and worrying about where i'm going to find 250 extra bucks laying around to get a new student card and bus pass.....a good Samaritan left it outside my door!!!

now the only question left in my head is who was this person who left it at my door and if they dont know me...how do they know where i live???

either way, its a def answer to prayer and i'm PUMPED!

All Points Bulletin

2009-02-17T18:59:00.000-08:00

I lost my keys that are attached to my student card that open my house and my room.

My student card has my bus pass integrated into it and leave it to me to lose it. To replace it would cost 70 dollars for the student card portion (that i need to write 2 exams, one monday and one wednesday) and the word on the street is that the bus portion is 200 dollars give or take.

I'm losing my mind. So far i've filled out lost item reports at the university security office, the local police station and called every single place i've been to or even in the vicinity of in since friday evening.

I'm praying suuuuuuuuuuper hard! I NEED to find these!

Webale Mukwano's!

2009-02-16T10:19:00.000-08:00

I LOVE my life here.

I was at The Bridge on saturday night like always and it was AWESOME. During debrief we all talk about the night- highs and lows, good convo's that sort of thing- and our supervisor C was talking about a convo he had with a kid. This kid had just gotten out of jail and had a baby and a girlfriend and was trying to turn his life around after he hit rock bottom. So we're talking about this and C says "in these situations i love to pull out Psalm 66 and talk to the kids about it." So he grabs his bible and starts going through psalm 66 with this kid (lets call him R )

10 For you, O God, tested us;
you refined us like silver.

11 You brought us into prison
and laid burdens on our backs.

12 You let men ride over our heads;
we went through fire and water,
but you brought us to a place of abundance.

So C asks R what being refined means and he explains that its like smelting.... you burn something to the point where all the crap falls to the bottom and all the goodness rises to the top. God sent R to prison and let men ride over his head and to a place where he got to see exactly what he needed to in order to desire change. Then after this refining process, the Lord takes R and brings him to a place of abundance... to a place where his desire is to be a good father and boyfriend and get his life straight. So cool!

Then this other kid who was such a bad kid that he got banned from the city (how that happens i have NO idea) but anyway- this kid comes back and where does he go every time he comes back to visit......THE BRIDGE. and why? Because his friend C is there who he knows loves him unconditionally and where he feels affirmed and loved.

I had a good talk with this boy who just sat down with a bible in his hand and said to me "i think i want to know more about this...i feel like i have a hole in my life" and i got to tell him what it means to be a follower of Christ, what that looks like, and how Christ changes you. So cool.

While we were praying at the end of the night, i just mentioned how awesome it was that through working at the bridge, and forming relationships with these awesome awesome kids, that my faith is affirmed, and my love for Christ, and for serving him is affirmed. awesome. i love this place.

Tomorrow its a work day at the bridge and me and about 6 other girls are going to spend the day cleaning and organizing and making it look awesome. I'm so excited for it!

My day so far.

2009-02-12T14:21:00.000-08:00

Wake up after 6.5 hours of sleep....got 3 phone calls from Uganda that woke up me between those 6.5 hours.

Woke up to realize i had a sweet dream but can't remember it and that is a RARE thing around these parts.

Sat at my desk and didn't move an inch for 5 hours until i was so overcome with frustration i pounded my fists on my desk, yelled out loud, and held my APA book over my head ready to throw it across the room and stopped suddenly. "Amy- you are much to old to throw a temper tantrum now. Get back to work"

Got to school only to realize i had no money in my account to print. Logged onto skype and send emergency message to my hero preston who went and bought a muffin to break a bill so i could have 70 cents to print.

Went to seminar in my Pj's, something I always swear i never do. Thats just lazy! But off i went with old scrub pants, giant west edmonton mall tee and rain coat, hair in a clip from last night, face NOT washed.

Got picked to explain to the class the ONE question I could not get my head around. (honestly- try googling post-necrotic cirrhosis and see how much info you get...BRUTAL!)

In desperate need of MORE money on my printing account at school but had no change. had to take out 20 dollars (21.25 with machine charges).

stood in line for 15 minutes at tim hortons where i ordered a small coffee one cream one sugar.

Finally...i can relax.....or so i thought.

Anyone want a coffee one sugar no cream...because i certainly don't!

AH!!

THANK YOU AMANDA!

2009-02-10T22:06:00.000-08:00

I am going to bed with a smile on my face.

Gross

2009-02-05T08:52:00.000-08:00

This morning i so desperately wanted to sleep in. But my aging self woke up at the crack of 830 and i made my way to the kitchen for some oatmeal.

I left the kitchen 2 minutes ago. a full 2 hours and 43 minutes from the exact second i entered. what did i do for 2 hours and 43 minutes?

Apart from holding down vomit, i washed (no SCRUBBED) grease off walls, off the stove, off the cupboards, off chairs, of tables, cleaned the microwave, coffee pot, organized the pantry, cleaned the inside of cupboards and organized the tupperware, did all the dishes, took out the trash, washed the garbage pail, dusted, and was on my hands and knees for a FULL 30 MINUTES washing the 4 month old crap off the floor.

Then i swept a large cat's worth of hair from the hallway and organized the shoes and cleaned the front hallway.

Am i abnormal in my thinking that a clean house should be the norm? If not clean then how about tidy? Or if not tidy then how about just not a dump?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

100th post....

2009-02-03T10:23:00.000-08:00

Well january 31 marked my 1 year anniversary of the last day my feet were covered in the wonderful red dirt of UG. Feb 1 marked my 1 year being back on canadian soil.

So this 100th post is going to be a photo highlight post. AND this time i'm not just going to chose photos where i look good :)
Let's begin!

Uganda is the place where I felt useless and broken and learned that I wanted to be nurse

Uganda is where i met some of my best friends in the world. It's where I met Rachel and Arielle who i share a very special and particular bond with that I don't think i have with anyone one else....(except shell and beth and for the same reason...)

Uganda is where I met THIS GIRL. Katie Davis. She helped me learn just how jealous i can be of my best friend and just how useful one can be when they are walking in the ways of the Lord.

This tiny kid taught me more about myself more about hope and more about love than knew in 22 years prior.

UG is where i met my Ugandan Mama. She taught me the importance of welcoming guests, loving people just as they are, and opening a home to anyone in need.

Ug is where i met my Ugandan Papa. He's married to Mama and he taught me the importance of a quiet and gentle spirit, one that is always seeking to love Christ deeper, serve him more effectively, and love the lost more fiercly.

Uganda is where I met these 2. Raoul Mugosa taught me more about being culturally sensitive than anyone else. He taught me about the importance of a deep and unwavering faith even in the midst of struggle and hardship. He taught me how to be a better leader and how to love those who persecute you. Uganda is where i met Michelle and where we became as close as sisters.

Uganda is where i met this couple, Pastor and Mrs. Mwesegwa. He pastors Jinja Deliverance Church and being a part of this church taught me the importance of truly living in a different culture. This place taught me that should i ever live or work or volunteer or do missions overseas, that i would only be happy being as deeply involved in the culture as my blazingly white skin would let me. This church opened their arms to Bethany and I and loved us as their own. This church prayed faithfully for me when i left to have my surgery, they laid hands on my before i left and praised the Lord with me upon my return.

Uganda taught me patience. Sitting around for 6 hours waiting to sing in our choir with all our Ugandan friends and then ending up not being able to sing sucks. But it'll teach you patience thats for sure!!

Uganda is where Bethany and I met THIS guy. John Paul Okwi. A gifted gifted speaker, a talented leader, a faithful friend, a fervent follower of Christ. JP lifted our spirits when we missed home, played countless cards games at our house on no power nights, let us use his car all the time (YAY!!!!) and understood our love for his countries kids.

Uganda is where i attended the best bible study I had ever been to and will ever go to! This group of friends prayed for each other, we learned with each other, we grew with each other, we sang and praised the Lord with each other. This photo is of Bethany and I cutting my "wellcome back cake" that Mama made for me after i came back from my surgery.

Uganda is where Bethany and I met one of the most spectacular people I've ever met. Hope Little. Uganda is also where Bethany and I took care of her precious precious son, Phineas for 5 weeks while she took care of business in the states.

Uganda is where we met THIS guy, David Eyotia (son of our ugandan ma and pa). A friend who took care of us, came to our rescue after being hit by a car (ha!) and who took us under his wing. We spent Christmas at his families house, would hang out with his parents for dinner and little bbc world news and encouragement.

Oh Uganda. Some days I try not to think about you so much. My life would be easier without you i think. It'd be simple and I'd be able to get expensive jeans and stuff at regular price. I'd be able to sit in a church service and focus on what they were saying instead of dreaming i was holding a baby on my lap in the hot hot heat of jinja DC.

But Uganda...you and your people and your people's Lord changed me. you softened my heart. opened my eyes. deepened my faith. you took me and shook me upside down and let all my old self fall away. You swept it up and threw it out because you knew i'd never need my old self again. You showed me what its like to be selfless. you gave me trials to test my resolve. you showed me people with nothing to show me that i had everything and because i had everything that i really needed nothing. you introduced me to people and situations that would make me so so very angry and you taught me how to respond in love and tact and respect.

Lord you changed me but you put me back together. you took my feet and molded them to the red earth, you took the comfort and softness out of them and exchanged it for a desire for more of you more of uganda more of the red dirt. you took my heart and melted the ice and picked the brick wall apart one by one. you replaced each brick with love and softness and openness. you took my mind and erased selfish ambition and planted seeds of selfless love that you're growing in me. you took eyes that bypassed hurt and poverty and highlighted a deeper compassion for the ones you love.

Uganda is where you turned my heart back to you.

Sunday Sermon

2009-02-01T15:11:00.000-08:00

This morning my awesome friend Preston got baptized and it brought back all the awesome memories of my baptism a few months ago in the freezing cold river surrounded by my best peterborough friends! awesome! THe church i've started to attend, Auburn Bible Chapel is great. Tons of students from my university go there and for the last 5 weeks there's been this amazing guy speaking. He's been speaking on spiritual disciplines and this weeks was worship and it was so awesome and so challenging and so great that i took notes like a mad woman so i could post them on here! so enjoy! it might be a little scatterbrained but thats just how my mind works:)

WORSHIP!

What kind of person is free to come into God's presence? Who can stay? Psalm 15 tells us pretty clearly.

LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary?
Who may live on your holy hill?
2 He whose walk is blameless
and who does what is righteous,
who speaks the truth from his heart

3 and has no slander on his tongue,
who does his neighbor no wrong
and casts no slur on his fellowman,

4 who despises a vile man
but honors those who fear the LORD,
who keeps his oath
even when it hurts,

5 who lends his money without usury
and does not accept a bribe against the innocent.
He who does these things
will never be shaken.

When Brent first said psalm 15 i flipped to it expecting the normal uplifting beautiful psalm and was kind of blindsided by this. My first thought was "brutal!!!!!"

There are 10 descriptions of the person who is free to come into God's presence.

1) a blameless walk -> the way they live their live- one who is perfect in obedience to God
2) actions are righteous-> live lives of perfect integrity
3) speaks truth- -> truth and integrity at their core
4) does not slander -> no gossip!
5) casts no slur -> doesn't make hurtful remarks
6) despises vile -> response to evil
7) keeps oaths -> even when it hurts!
8) lends $ without interest -> no rip offs! doesn't take advantage
9) not accept brides -> doesn't take advantage for selfish gain
10) whoever does these things will not be shaken.

Whoever does these things (all of which seem to me to be impossible!!!) will NOT be shaken.....BUUUT this confronts us with the holiness of God. We have to beware of the temptation to move towards 2 extremes. 1 is to give up, thinking its too much and we'll never be able to do those things psalm 15 days so why even try and the 2nd is to cling to God so familiarly like we're throwing an arm around his shoulder and giving him a pat on the back which reminded me of the song "i am a friend of God" thats i'm violently opposed to but thats another story;)

Whats the answer to our hopeless state then? Psalm 15 reminds the worshiper of their inability.
The Israelites needed a sacrifice, the shedding of to cover sings. We're living in NT times and the requirement is the same but different. God provided the spotless lamb. Hebrews 9 talks about that. There's an importance to preparation. In preparation we sense his instruction. its serious business. Yes- come as you are to Christ for salvation. but examine/cleanse/purify ourselves when we come into His presence.

Practicing spiritual disciplines on our own and expecting to improve our relationships with Christ doesn't work. It needs to be a component of a deep commitment and with the ultimate desire of knowing Him and living like Him. Because at the very core of what we so and who we are is Jesus.

***I dont know if that makes sense to anyone out there and i guarantee it sounds better first hand but the principle is the same and it was challenging as all get out!

its 1:01am......

2009-01-31T22:01:00.001-08:00

i got home from the bridge an hour ago and checked my blogs. i would just like to say how PROUD i am to call this woman, my great friend.

read it and weep folks!! literally!

(click the this woman)

2009-01-29T14:10:00.000-08:00

Do you think its awful that i want to pay pal thing on the side of my blog so people can donate to my "meet as many blog friends as possible who live close to Erin fund"??? Tacky or ingenious? I'm not sure yet....

Yesterday night epic. We had a full scale WW3 in our house between the 4 of us girls that live there surrounding the one simple issue we just can't seem to get a handle on........

CLEANING! I grew up in a neat freak house with a mom who made sure i picked up after me and instilled in me desire and need for a sparkling clean kitchen all the time. Now i can definitely understand that there are people out there who didn't live in a house that was ready for the queen at a moments notice but seriously.... I can't wrap my head around not picking up after myself and simple things like emptying the garbage if its full. To me- its just plain old common sense. So everything came to a head last when it was discovered that one of us had hid half the dishes and utensils on the others. Voices were raised and feet were stomped and doors were slammed...the whole shebang! Our poor friend Preston came over to challenge me to a game of Wii tennis and had to witness the whole ordeal. Needless to say nothing really got settled and we all went to bed angry with eachother.....well not me and Tori because we sat on my bed eating candy till 3am but pretty much we were all angry.

Then i was thinking today...or rather, God was telling me and i was thinking but trying really really really hard to change the subject and that little voice kept creeping into my head telling me to work at everything as if working for HIM and not for me, or my roommates or anyone else.

I end up cleaning the kitchen a lot and most of the time its in a silent rage and i need a good 8 hour sleep to simmer. But then i heard God telling me to work for HIM and not for me. So TECHNICALLY.......when i'm raging in the kitchen over having to do someone else's dishes, i should be singing P and W and not waiting to put on my angry music and mulling over in my head all the times i've done this and all the reasons why i shouldn't have to.

So this is what my new internal voice is going to tell myself when i get ridicuslouly mad over cleaning up someone else's mess.

"amy- come on. lets just get ahold of ourself here. other than the fact that you're probably burning a trillion calories per hour the way you're tearing through the house like a mad woman, lets just chill. there have GOT to be other times when our roomates have felt the exact same way about us and is it really a big deal for us to clean up after other people? Isn't that what we're spending hours a week and thousands a year trying to get really really got at? how about the fact that our God cleans up our crap alll the time! Does he complain? right...so lets just put this all into perpective.........

Protecting my heart

2009-01-25T13:14:00.000-08:00

Before UG, during UG and for a long time after UG, i was obsessed with watching every movie, reading every book/magazine, hearing every story about aids/uganda/east africa. I welcomed the sadness and basked in the despair, letting Satan grab hold of my heart strings and drag me under to loneliness, anger, frustration, despair, devastation. The place where all bad feelings compound and weigh like a sack of bricks from your neck, pulling your spirit down and your head with it.

The peterborough film festival was in town this weekend and this morning there was a film playing about rape being used as weapon of war in the congo. I wanted to go 1)because my wonderful friend Raoul is from DR Congo and i love him 2)because it was about Africa and so its a given i'd want to go and 3)because i love learning about new things and new ways to help.

I chose not to go though. It would be so easy for me to slip into that despair again. That loneliness that comes from being a foreigner, having no one around who understands why you're anal about turning off lights, love flushing toilets and suddenly see Africa shaped clouds, oil stains, window hand prints etc.

My roommate Bea went to the film and said everyone sat in the dark after weeping for this women who's (this is going to get graphic....) internal organs have been actually ripped to shreds from sticks of wood. It's graphic and unfathomable and pure pure evil. And for someone who was ignorant of the situation, it's a perfect kick in the teeth regarding the situation. But its bad for my heart...and i need to be ok with not seeing it.

I need to sit in the love that my Savior heaps on me everyday and know that when i feel like a stranger....(Bea told a story of a baby drinking from a gourd of dirty water and I flashed back to the kids at Mafubira and seeing them drinking from the water they'd just used to wash the muddy floor) .....HE was there when that child was drinking dirty water. He was there with me when i would run out of my sisters house and slam the door and drive home, stopping on the side of the highway because i was crying so so hard and couldn't handle it anymore. And He's filling the deep fissure that broke open when i stepped off that plane the first time.

I've been changing and i doubt i would have changed so drastically or significantly without those bricks around my neck.

Now it's time for my to live fully in Canada. Not only fully- but happily! its nice to know that i CAN be happy here. i CAN be content......

but i still can't wait to get back....

Mint Chocolate Chip Icecream, Nibs, Mike and Ikes, Diet pepsi.....

2009-01-22T07:46:00.000-08:00

not a good combo right before bed.

after a rousing evening of speed scrabble, i headed off to bed after eating a moderate amount of the aforementioned items.

At 9:03am I woke up to the sound of my cell phone vibrating and was stunned at the real-ness of my night.

I was at a John Mayer concert with my roommate Bea, 2 other people I can't remember and this guy i used to date in high school. Bea went to the bathroom and we were all sitting in the exact same seats me and mollie sat it last summer when we went to JM's concert in Edmonton. I see D and wave like a mad woman trying to get his attention and he comes and sits beside me after i politely ask the people a few seats down to scooch down one to make room for Bea. This whole time bea is standing back thinking i've ditched her for some guy and gets really upset with me. D leaves to morph into John Mayer after the chinese worship singer is done being the opening act.

I ask JM "is that the same carpet you played on for the Any Given Thursday Live DVD?" he says "nope- it was different." i follow him up to the stage and wonder where David Ryan Harris is, his guitar player and really really excellent singer (for real...check him out). All of a sudden I'm freaked out on stage and looking out over thousands of people so i bolt off the stage and run through this roadie door to the outside, barreling past security. they think i've done for something wrong or stolen something so this security man takes me to the security camper van and makes me explain myself.

i tell him the whole story and he says that for my punishment I'm not allowed to take the Greyhound bus from Markham Ontario to California anymore.

and then i woke up.

Introducing.....

2009-01-19T15:54:00.000-08:00

Meet Carter. He's my sisters (and her husbands:)) ridiculously adorable and sweet as can be, 19 month old. This post is to ask all my lovely internet prayer warriors to start praying for our Chuggs! He's got an MRI booked for the 10th of Feb because of a bunch of funny symptoms and so i'm asking all you to pray for a simple and treatable diagnosis:)

Saturday Confession

2009-01-17T07:23:00.000-08:00

.....i cancelled my 7am-1pm shift today at work. i did it from my friends preston and brock's house where me bea and tori spent the afternoon sledding in the wicked cold and then ended up staying for dinner, desert, speed scrabble and lounging upstairs listening to good music and talking till midnight.

Yesterday was my very first clinical!!!! I was SOOO nervous and almost barfed on the drive over (i talked Tori into driving me because i had to be there at 6:50am and taking the bus would have got me there 30 minutes early). I had no need to be nervous though but I'm naturally (actually probably not naturally, more like self programmed) a worrier and so i slept about 2 hours fitfully the night before and got up just barely hanging on.

side note----my new sweet friend Preston came over at 11:30 thursday night with a bag of something he's brought back from his 5 months in Australia and said "you gotta try this" and made me a tim tam slam! Best THING EVER. i will go to australia just for to get another one of those and so i ended up going to bed at 1am.

Ok so i get to my facility and I head up to the nursing station and get my assignment for the day.....and it's tub rom. The tub room is where all the 42 residents on our floor get bathed every week. They have morning tubs (or showers) and evening tubs so from 7am to 9:30 am i was supposed to be observing a PSW do them all morning. Well...my trainer and I hit it off and she was a great time! She said "ok amy! you're gonna get right in there because i believe thats the best way for you to learn! YOu watch me bath this lady here, I'll walk you through what i'm doing, and then you'll do the rest for the morning."

It was awesome. I knew i wouldn't be grossed out by naked people or embarrassed like some new students are considering i'd seen my fair share of naked already (think a good amount of time in other hospital settings) and so i got right in there! My trainer was very pleased and said i was doing awesome. So i learned how to work the lift, work the giant tub, wash em' up all nice and good, take them out, dry them off, lotion all over, dress them, and then take them (if they were ladies) to the spa area where we blow dry their hair and curl it if they want. So cute! All the residents loved me!

I think i impressed my clinical instructor by remembering and being able to accurately answer her questions on the kind of charting they do there (focus charting) and by not just hanging out in the hall looking lost like some of the other students did (i probably would have too if i'd never been in that environment before since its intimidating) But instead of doing that, i chatted with some lovely old folks, got complimented on my teeth, was given my very first gift (a lovely card), hung out with my assigned resident while she made crafts, and then went around and asked all the staff if they needed help with anything (that won me brownie points!)

It was a great first clinical and I"m glad i made a good impression. The nurses asked if i'd done this kind of thing before and I said "not in long term care but in other settings" and they asked what kind and so i got to tell them about working in the OR at the U of A hospital, working at my cities little hospital and of course.....UGANDA- which they thought was fabulous! "my you're a motivated girl, having done so much at your age!"

The staff are all really great and i'm going to learn so much! I'm really excited.

.........................
I got a letter in the mail yesterday from this orthodontist I saw over Christmas and in it was his report of all my xrays and his treatment plan for me. I've got a really annoying hate/hate relationship with my chin and its the thing i'm most self conscious about. I'm very very aware of it and (was) willing to do anything to change it. welll...anything that wouldn't cost 15,000 dollars.
My diagnosis- class 2 malocclusion with mandibular advancement surgery the best option for me. This means they'd take my jaw, break it, insert metal plates to bring my lower jaw forward, and then i'd have braces for 2 years to correct my bite.

Lately every time i think about having done after i'm a nurse and could potentially have an extra 15 grand i think of the verse i wrote fairly large on my desk so i can remember it. "beauty should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."- 1 peter 3:4

I read that and think.....new chin, improved jaw line and side profile (i'm pretty sure thats redundant) 15,000 or......happy with how God made me, learn to love my profile or at least learn to be neutral to it, and spend 15,000 on a flight to UG and then spending it where it really needs to be spent.

What do YOU think??? (keep in mind the good 20 pound difference between the first photo and the second...post- africa blues had me the poster child for emotional eating....I'm going to try Brandi's wonderful idea though!

.

2009-01-14T21:35:00.000-08:00

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ.
- Colossians 2:7-8

Know what i love?

2009-01-13T21:20:00.000-08:00

Hearing Phin shout WAWOOWOW! whenever he'd see his best friend Raoul.

Spending 8 hour days at church and cooercing our beautiful friends into taking senior photos, and jumping shots behind the school our church met in.

Visiting Mama Rukia, meeting her family and seeing her house and eating so much food i probably could have survived the amount for a good month. no joke.

This amazing girl and her beautiful heart, ministry and children!

These girls and guy who taught me to dance and to be proud of my mzungu moves (or more appropriately- lack of moves)! I also love the people in this photo for showing me about faith, prayer and trusting God to move even when you have 36 hours till an event for 600 kids is taking place and you're short 300,000 shillings.

Know what i love? Talking to THIS family!

Know what else i love? When the good Lord lays something on your heart and so you facebook your friend for no particular reason other than to say 'thinking about you! you're great!" and then getting a sweet phone call on the bus ride home from a tiring day at school. so sweet is the phone call that you nearly miss your stop. and then you talk for 2 hours. and at the end of it, see a super cute movie (bride wars) with your awesome roommate.

thats what i love.

Praying for Abby

2009-01-12T20:34:00.001-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUGyubkH1kg&eurl=http://www.riggsfamilyblog.com/2009/01/valley-begins-tomorrow-would-you-pray.html

GO THERE!

My life so far...

2009-01-12T07:34:00.000-08:00

one beautiful day in may, mothers day to be exact, a precious and stunningly beautiful baby girl was born. that was me!
May 12, 1985 i entered the world and haven't stopped since the day i was born.

my first year is filled with sleeping mostly (i slept A LOT!) and eating, a similar experience to many of my friends i hear. my mom stays us many nights with me begging God to stop my vomiting after voracious bottle session but to her dismay, i vomit up everything as soon as she burps me and she's left, literally, crying out to God in sheer sleep depravity, while my dad comes running in, takes me, and tells her to go change her baby vomit pj's.

i begin to love dolls, dresses and anything girlie. i sport an extreme mushroom cut (i'm still a little mad about that one) and the boyishness of my haircut is offset by my giant frilly dresses....a lovely dichotomy.

i play hard and sleep harder....and on hard surfaces. i fall asleep often on the cement front stairs to our house after many hours chasing my best friend in the whole wide world, sonja, back and forth between our houses which were conveniently located a mere 5 houses away from eachother.

sonja and i spent out days selling rocks, and playing house in the giant refrigerator box that my dad turned into a play house for me.

about this time my mom puts locks on the outside of my bedroom door because i am changing outfits 5 or 6 times a day. i begin to be tucked into carrot beds at night with myself in the middle and 15 dolls on either side tucked up to their chins like i am. i sing a lot.

at 4ish we move from the big city of edmonton to gibbons alberta. a dinky little town of 2000 people. to my sister and i's surprise, we have BOY who is smack dab in the middle of our ages next door named Tristan (one of 7 Tristan's in the world he tells us). we immediately go about knocking a board out from behind the tiger lillies so we don't have to walk around the front of the houses to get to eachother...this was much more convenient.

i get in trouble a lot for being impulsive (thanks ADHD!) and doing dumb things like stuffing my neighbors cat under their cement stairs in winter and packing it with snow, slitting my neighbors couch cushions with scissors, throwing rocks at cars off bridges, throwing rocks at my dad's car parts and breaking the windows, taking the christmas lights off people's trees, mooning the mail man (biiiig trouble for that one!) and putting dead gophers on the train tracks and watching them explode.

i start school and i'm super popular. i have 2 friends, both named danielle and we hang out all the time.

grade 2 and i'm the star of our class play, snow white. i desperately want conrad to be cast as the prince but kirk is and i am actually disgusted. i remember something specific about a bathtub and a tub stopper and some kind of mean thing he said to me about it but the memory is failing me right now.

Grade 4 i start at the local Christian school. my mom forgets to pack me a lunch my very first day and to add insult to injury, she crimps my out of control hair and i wear it in a side pony tail.

i become super tight with the only 4 other girls in my class, justine, jenn, sam and teresa. we all sit together and talk about boys a lot. i love a boy named nathan and will continue for many years.

i get my first boyfriend in grade 8, mark. he's in grade 7 and its scandalous because he dumped his girlfriend for me. my sister and marks sister- who are best friends, plan our wedding.

we break up and i have my first real kiss with a boy in the language arts room at school during art class. i'm horrified and grossed out and we never talk again. i am chatty in class and get placed beside the 2 exchange students from Korea who know no english. we become fast friends, hyun, myung and me, and i learn tons of korean!

grade 9. my mom homeschools me. enough said.

high school! i thrive and my friend angela and i like to call ourselves first and second popular. i am a part of the 'plastics' (for all you who've seen mean girls) but i'm nice...i promise.

i date a boy named daniel who's captain of everything sports wise for a long time. he writes me the cutest letters all the time and are really cute together but oddly matched now that i think about it.....we have a bad break up in grade 12 and so begins a string of boys coming and going....(I can't help that i'm so attractive and wonderful!;) all through highschool i had a crush on a guy named M and i would sit behind him in chem and distract him by talking the entire class. my permanent seat in bio is at the very back of the class, facing the back wall and everyone else is facing the front (once again, thank you adhd) and i also spend a lot of time sitting the hallway.

i go on 2 missions trips to mexico and love it but know that africa is for me.

i graduate high school with only good memories and good times and proceed to bible college. i meet gord the first week there and we being dating the 2nd week of school. i get really involved at school, and run for student council and win...of course!

i hate being on student council and butt heads with the president a lot. i apply to be a resident assistant (RA) and get to the final interview where i'm told that i'm too intimidating, seem like i have it all together, and girls can't relate to me. i get angry and upset and am really really hurt. a few months later i get a call saying another RA is sick, isn't coming back to school and we'd love to have you! i'm weary after what they've told me but my best friend is on student council that year so we will get to do lots of fun things together.

i hate being an RA. its a lot of work, i am soooo different than some of my girls, and i have animals in the dorm all. the. time. bethany tells me cassia is going to africa and so me and cassia get together and decide to go to africa together. i graduate and leave prov with many many many tears and awesome memories and friends i'll have for a long long time to come.

i work at an ice cream shop in the summer to save money and a month before we leave for africa God tells me not to go to kenya, but to go to uganda. i say ok and head on over to Jinja.

uganda for 3 months. awesome. beautiful. wonderful. hard. fun. love. heartbreak. new friends. i meet rachel and arielle and michelle who become some of my best friends in the whole world. we have a blast at with the kids at the orphanage and blast with our friends from town doing random things like going to body building competitions! we fall in love with musa, our shamba, and take him under our wing....(my dad loves musa like his own son and does wonderful things for him)

i go home break up with Gord and am home for a month before i can't stand it anymore. i slip into depression and isolate myself and cry and cry and cry for the things i'm not a part of and for the babies i've left. rach air and i decide to head on back over to UG and 6 months later i'm there with my bestie, bethany.

have the time of my life, once again, and meet the most beautiful ugandans... david, jp, ronnie, RAOUL, melody, nina, ruth, mama, papa, florence etc....me and beth have a tough time at the orphanage and decide that we'd be better used with our church and get super involved with JInja Deliverance Church and The Youth Together ministries. we join the TYT choir and travel around uganda with our friends singing at weddings and concerts and its hilarious and wonderful! i learn to fast and to pray and to listen for God's leading. i learn to lean on him and to pray pray pray.

jan 30, 08, i head home. i work and am miserable. i have a great friend C who listens to me all the time and sits there and its my sounding board. i yell at him with my anger for the world, and he helps me deal with all my psycho emotions and panic attacks and is faithfully praying for me. i begin to learn how to control my tongue and i work on keeping some things for myself instead of yelling at people (which i think is a good thing...agree?)

september 08 i move to peterborough and start classes at trent university. i live with the most wonderful roommates, meet the most wonderful friends, attend the most wonderful churches, volunteer at the most wonderful youth center, and have the most wonderful time....all the time...and i'm sooo looking forward to the next years of my life, knowing that Christ's hand is all over it, i dont have to worry about a thing (not even africa, or my babies, which is a new concept to this worrier) and that in all i do, i'm going to work at it as if working for God and not for man.

thats my life in a nutshell.

that being said....i have some pathophysiology to read!

Success

2009-01-11T07:00:00.000-08:00

A wise wise woman (mel inglis) prayed last night during debrief at the bridge that our success isn't measured in results but in obedience. isn't that such a relief?

imagine we served a God who looked at our results sheets before we entered those pearly gates and thats how he measured our success?

last night at the bridge i had a really great chat with Sarah (not her real name). She told me about how she's recently ran away from her foster home even though she knew they really loved her and had given her the best christmas of her life. She is now living at the youth emergency shelter until april when she turns 16 and is officially out of children's aids hands. she said she lives her life day by day, never trusting anyone, never hoping for anything, never believing anything until it turns out to be true, always protecting herself from disappointment and hurt. sad.

i had a chat with another girl who just had a baby and doesn't have custody. she sees the baby twice a week and from what i gathered that seems like a good amount of time. sad.

i had another talk with (i know its bad) one of my favorite's and she's young and gets all her self worth from relationships with guys and has no idea what love is and has no idea what a healthy, loving, stable relationship looks like. she loves drama, both creating it and perpetuating it. sad.

Bea and I were talking at the canteen and i just told her how heart sick i was that night. Its draining to hear the stories of these kids and see the kinds of lives their living. but i am so thankful that week after week Christ works through me and speaks through me words of love, affirmation, and respect to these kids who so desperately need it. Sarah told me that through it all (running away, living in the shelter, being on her own at 16) she chooses to be joyful because if she wasn't it would be too hard. Tom(not his real name) told me that he's so happy he has this girlfriend because now he has something to live for.

This is what i pray for for these kids and the bridge and you can join me too!

-protection from the ENEMY who is working overtime on these kids, dragging them into depression, drugs and alcohol abuse, and telling them all sorts of lies about sex, love and relationships, belief in witchcraft and all things not from Christ.

-protection from themselves. (self harming etc)

-their hearts would be opened to the love and change that Christ brings. that their hearts would be made new and all anger and bitterness and rage would be replaced with love, kindness, and confidence

-that the girls would become self confident and learn how to stand up for themselves and that all the female staff members would be good examples of that and be living it out for them to see

-the building itself would be protected from all attacks from Satan. It's his favorite spot on brock street and we can definitely feel when he's got a hold. pray for the Holy Spirit to be covering the whole property and washing us with his spirit as we enter, stripping off all that we might bring in.

-for the spirits and lives of the paid staff (Mel, Tim, Carlo, Shelly, Sherry, Melissa, Brenda...) it's tough work and not always rewarding (or rewarding in physical tangible ways) but that they would be renewed daily and encouraged in the relationships they've built with these kids and with the environment they've provided them to come and hang out in a safe place.

Non-years resolutions

2009-01-07T07:08:00.000-08:00

1. go to every class even the ones i hate and even the ones at the most ridiculous times (seriously....5pm on a friday evening??!!)

2. try to eat things that aren't processed or that comes covered in plastic. (i loooove cheese slices)

3. read my bible through in a year

4. watch every single new episode of grey's anatomy and the bachelor no matter what the cost, be it academic or social. :)

I got a new textbook yesterday and although it felt like high way robbery (173 dollars) i was very excited to bring it home and open it up with my roommate tori and look at the gross photos of people with diseases in it. I LOVE that kind of stuff....

Here's a really funny website. It's called Fail Blog and really all it is is photos or videos of things that aren't quite right. it great.

I miss these people!!

2009-01-05T17:59:00.000-08:00

Love, Where is Your Fire?

2009-01-04T09:24:00.000-08:00

Yesterday night a friend came over and gave me 2 pictures Soph has made for me and a few videos of her and Steffi and Mama Lois, Mama Eyotia and Florence. He went to Uganda with Watoto in November and had taken a few hours out of their busy schedule to hop a coaster over to Jinja and take a giant suitcase packed full of stuff for Mama Lois for me.

We got to talking about Uganda and missions and I saw a lot of myself in him. He's fresh from Uganda, with that high that comes from Africa, that feeling like you've glimpsed something incredible and need to tell the world about it. I love that feeling. But i think what i feel now is much more sustainable. I love Uganda. I love it like it was own country. I love it because it bore my hopes and dreams for my future and it was the place where our Lord took my faith, crushed it , and rebuilt it from the ground up and from the ashes the older, wiser, more faithful Amy arose. I was set in the kiln in Uganda but it is here in Canada that i'm being refined in that fire.

As we sat talking and i could see his passion for UG glowing, i was so cautious with what i said. I agreed with a lot of what he said but there were some things i just couldn't anymore. I was in his position once where only Africa matters anymore and i thought God placed this very specific call on my life. But I believe missions/service/calls, whatever you want to label it, must go beyond borders. The Lord has not called me to Africa. He's called me to SERVE. And if i'm not doing that right here at 'home', then i'm not living my call, and i'm missing out on great service experience here and i'm cutting my own self short.

As Christians we are so content with writing a check and watching the video montage of those adorable babies, or the time lapse video of the school/church/home being built. But when it comes to putting on the gloves, picking up the hammer/bottle we pause. There's work. There's my retirement fund. There's that BMV we really need. There's someone else to do it.

We're lazy people. We like others to do the work but give a little someone to feel like we've contributed. And i'm definitely not saying that the people who write checks and work hard to be able to write those checks are bad or wrong. They are needed and fulfilling a need with what God's blessed them with. Which is good.

But we need to find our Africa, India, Mexico, Haiti, Brazil etc and bring it here. We need to use that fire and that passion and that feeling and use it serve out own North America that is dead spiritually and bring it back to life. We need to heal the sick, bring hope to the broken hearted, provide for the poor and the widow and the orphan HERE. I believe Jesus would be disappointed in me if i lived for the day i could return to 'missions' and ignored the 35 million who needed Him right in my back yard.

My friend said that African's have faith, and that their faith comes somewhat easily because its all they have. I say not true. Some may have little, but some have plenty and their faith is the same as the destitute. I say faith is something that requires 'work'. You can't just leave JC out of your life, only let him in when its convenient or easy or you need help. The mentality is whats different between us and them. We don't rely on Jesus for our meal. We don't rely on the Holy Spirit to heal our disease. We have things and systems in place to do that for us. Does that mean our faith should come easier or harder?

Not necessarily. it should just be. A relationship with Christ needs faith. The amount of money you have shouldn't effect us that much. If it does, then we're giving those with millions and no faith a scape goat of sorts.

The hands and feet of Jesus don't recognize arbitrary lines we've drawn for ourselves over land masses.

some tell me to be temperate but luke warm will never do.

A sweet short video

2008-12-27T08:44:00.000-08:00

Watch

THIS

video! It's my friends Carlo and Steve from The Bridge and they did a really sweet Christmas mural on the wall at my church, The Third Space.

Its beauuuuutiful!

love.

Boxing Day

2008-12-26T17:15:00.000-08:00

Up here in the northern part of north america, Canada has a wee tradition called Boxing Day. On December 26th, millions of people leave their warm homes and pile into malls and big box stores. I went to Future Shop today because my new MACBOOK was 150 dollars off. (so handy considering i bought it 4 days ago!) OF course I wanted a price adjustment and wouldn't you know, no on takes returns, exchanges or price adjustments till the 28th, one day after the price of my mac going back up to 1399. You can imagine the fuss i'm going to kick up if that 150 is not back in my checkings account.

I went to north america's largest mall (no its not mall of america- we beat it by 1 million square feet), West Edmonton Mall and it was if everyone in the city of Edmonton had packed into the mall. It was nuts. Line ups for Lulu Lemon and this weird clubbing clothing store Pusch had lineups over 100 people long!! Future Shop was a nightmare with my sister and I circling the parking lot, stalking people coming out of the store to their cars just to find parking. Inside it was madness but i guess if you're going to by a tv you might as well get one thats 2000 dollars off!!!! Some stores had signs for 75% off. The news tonight had camera crews out at the mall and many people had bags and bags and bags hanging off their arms...no signs of a recession here...

Imagine my surprise when i turn on KXLY news from Spokane and they showed video from their malls and they were literally empty.

Seems more american's saw the Advent Conspiracy video than Canadians :)

Now here are some adorable photos from my beautiful Christmas Eve night with my family and Our 2 Ethiopian family friends! IT was AWESOME!

Picture Tag

2008-12-23T16:21:00.000-08:00

This photo is the 4th in my 4th photo folder.

This is Kikondo Uganda. Me and Katie Davis were meeting our friend Musa to go fishing!! we caught 9 Tilapia that day. And we ate them alllll!

Tagged

2008-12-20T11:57:00.001-08:00

Ok I know this is kinda cheesy but i've ALWAYS wanted to get tagged and i never have yet!! Erin- you made my Christmas dream come true! Now that i've said that, i better make this tag interesting or you'll all be sorely dissapointed.

I'm at my sister's so i'm going to do the 2nd tag first. I'll do the picture tag later today.

8 TV Shows I watch
1. Grey's Anatomy (and i'm really angry that there are only re-runs until the new year. I'm also really angry that Denny just won't leave Izzy alone!!!)
2. The Office. I want to date and marry someone just like Jim Halpert.
3. Man VS. Wild- yesturday he was in some weird island off Sumatra and taught me how to build a raft and get past the reef.
4. Gossip Girl. I have a thing for Chuck.....i know its bad.
5. So You Think You Can Dance CANADA. Mary says Canada has better quality dancers than the US. TAKE THAT!
6. BBC World News. I love love love the BBC.
7. Friends re-runs. i looooooove that show. My fave is when Ross makes Fajita's!
8. The BACHELOR. I'm not even embarrassed about this. I LOVE this show. and i'm so excited for 9pm on MOnday the 5th to meet the new singles for Jason!

8 Favorite Restaurants (i'm including some fast food places because for one- i'm poor and two- i'm just not that fancy)
1. Hands down my favorite resturant is McDonalds. Beyond a shadow of a doubt.
2. Chili's
3. Earl's
4. Pita Pit
5. Boston Pizza
6. The Keg
7. Ozzies in UG. The best salad dressing of my life is there.
8. Chick-fil-a. I've never been here but I'm sure i'd love it and everytime i hear any blogging mama talk about it, it makes me really want to go there.

8 Things that Happened to Me Today
1. I woke up having done a 180 in my bed somehow and had no idea where i was or how i got there.
2. My sister woke me up 4 minutes before my alarm went off and i hung up the phone and told her i'd wake up after my alarm went off, and i slept for 3.5 more mins THEN got up.
3. I went to Budget with my mom and sister to get our rental for our weekend getaway to Calgary. I LOOOOVE CALGARY.
4. I called my roommates Jenn and Steve and asked them how the Coffee House at the Bridge went because i missed it... It went AWESOME apparently.
5. I got a coffee at second cup for the first time and I should have just waited til Tim Hortons because it would have been 1 dollar cheaper and prob tasted better too.
6. I waliked to 7-11 in MINUS 30 DEGREE WEATHER (that - 22 F for all your americans) with my 4 year old neice to get sour cream for our nachos. I took my sisters debit card and she had changed her PIN and i put the old pin in 4 times and froze the account. I had to leave the sour cream, the 1L of diet coke, and Ava's kinder surprise there. But i had already eating my 2 licorises and got those for free!
7. I dragged my friend Curtis with me to Future Shop to return some headphones but we went to Best Buy by mistake. Then i drove to the other end of the city to get to Future Shop, waitied in line for 15 mins to return the headphone, presented the person with my recipt and she looked at me and said "you bought this at Best Buy".
8. I drove very very very slowly on the way back to my sister's hosue from Budget REntal's so i could show her my favorite line in a Brooke Fraser song..the line is from THe Thief and its "your eyes are full, full of the future of us." ah! i love it!

8 Things I Look Forward To:
1. Going back to UG short term or long term and being the nurse at Erin and Scott's orphanage.
2. Hopefully visiting Erin on Spring Break and getting to eat at Chick-fil-a and meeting Tucker and bear hugging her kids.
3. Finishing and understanding Paradise Lost.
4. Christmas Eve with my sister, her husband, my niece and nephew, our ET friends Heewot and Nassar and their daughter Eden and our new ET friends Kidist and her GORGEOUSSSS kids Yohannes and Yosiyas, my mom and my dad.
5. Working out starting in January with my roommate Tori and losing the 30 pounds i've put on since i gradauated high school. (AHHHHHHHHHH!)
6. Snowboarding a ton this winter
7. My new macbook!
8. Getting my very first manicure (thats a lie- i got one in UG but that doesn't really count since it was litterally done in a hole in the wall and there wasn't parafin wax involved) this weekend in Calgary.

8 Things I Wish For
1. A boxer puppy named Scout (After Scout Finch from my fave book!)
2. 18,000 dollars to pay off my student loans
3. Excellent marks next semester so i can get this sweet scholarship
4. A master bedroom in my house with my husband that has corner windows. i LOVE corner windows.
5. A metabolism like that of a 4 year old child giving me the ability to eat all the mcdonalds and macaroni and cheese I could hold down without slipping into a cholestorol induced coma.
6. 250,000 dollars to give to my UG church- Jinja Deliverance Church for their new church building.
7. A baby from Haiti, Uganda, China, and Somalia.
8. Mandibular Advancement surgery to correct my Class 2 Malocclusion. Its 15g's!

I tag..... Angie, Amanda, Jenny, Mollie, and my new friend Leigh!

A Beautiful Christmas

2008-12-12T23:09:00.000-08:00

Tonight was the long awaited and much anticipated Bridge Youth Center and Youth Emergency Shelter combined Christmas dinner.

Through the generosity of many many people we were able to pull off an amazing night of food, fellowship, and fun! The youth shelter has a section for families as well and so we had whole families come and eat the food that 2 ladies so wonderfully made for us. It was an incredible feeling to sit on the couches at the front of the center and look over everyone having fun, eating great good and serving them. I felt an all too familiar feeling. And feeling that feeling got me feeling weird.

Let me explain.

There's this feeling I got in UG all the time. My fellow UG lovers will be able to understand and I'm sure you can plug ET lovers, LB lovers, GH lovers etc in there.

I got this feeling when I was riding a boda boda home from watching a football match with friends in town while carrying Chloe around with me too. I got this feeling in church, basically every week in UG. I got it at every bible study (each of the gazillion ones we went to every week). I got it while watching Soph sleep on my bed in the afternoon while I read and journaled. I got it all Christmas day last year.

It's that awesome feeling of knowing your in the exact spot the Lord wants you in. It's the feeling of total contentment and peace. As i looked at the youth, volunteers, staff, and families, I thought how PROUD i was to serve this AMAZING God who orchestrates these nights and allows ME the privilege of serving him while doing something that I've come to love love love.

Here's the scary part: If I'm feeling that feeling here, in Canada...where does that leave my feelings I had in UG. The really scary part is that I'm NOT going to Ghana anymore. I feel like there is something here for me, that God's got all figured out, and I just need to wait and see it all unfold before me, in His timing. I was talking to a staff at the Bridge tonight about Ghana and I told him how i felt like this is what i should do because its 'what i do'. I go to Africa. Any chance i get. Now all of a sudden I'm not jumping at that chance...I used to say that i was definitely, one billion percent going to live out the rest of my days in a mud hut. Then i cut that down to 5-10 years. Now I heard about this clinic in downtown Toronto that is specifically for the poor who have no health cards, no insurance, etc and it got me thinking about how SWEET it would be to work there. It's freaking me out.

There's a girl who comes to almost every drop in night and we've gotten to be good friends. It was beautiful watching her tonight just be. Not worrying about where she's staying that night, about all the crap in her life (there's way too much), about school. She was happy, with this peaceful look on her face like from 5 to 11 tonight, she was a 16 year old with loving loving loving parents in a stable healthy, happy, functional family, where her biggest problem was deciding whether she wanted to get killed by me at fooseball again.

1 Peter 4:10-11 "God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God himself were speaking through you. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to him forever and ever! Amen.

New

2008-12-12T07:07:00.000-08:00

Like the new layout? My beautiful friend Erin did it! It's bright and happy- just the way i like it.

Last night I went to a Food and Drink Magazine party a friend's house. I am not a cook, or a baker. In fact, I once made a batch of cookies with 2 cups of baking soda because I thought it was flour. We were supposed to find a recipe from the cookbook or online, make it, and bring it. So i thought- Guacamole! What's easier than that? I even made a special mint guac which was delicious according to my costa rica roommate who would know if it was good or not. It looked beautiful. I had it on our nicest dish (which isn't that nice at all) and had my other roommmate Jenn garnish it because i didn't know how to do that either. Then we leave for the party. Steve is driving in his truck and it snowed a boat load this week so the piles on the sides of the roads where the graters have come are over 2 feet in some part and of course- steve parks right up close, hugging the snowbank. I have to climb over and out his side of the truck so I hand him the guac plate and start shoving over. Steve has got tortillas bag, a basket of biscotti, and a guac plate in his hands and is doing great. But as soon as i slam the struck door, something goes wrong and the guac plate leaps out of steve's hands and onto the dirty, sandy, slushy, road. upside down of course.

I have a medium freakout and steve is calm as he actually scrapes the guac off the road the puts it back into the dish.

We go inside and a nice guy takes the plate and say's he'll take care of it. I say- we'll there's obvious bits of gravel in there, we might as well through it out, it's basically useless now- to which he responds- I'll take care of it.

10 mins pass and out comes a beautiful bowl of guac and plate of authentic tortillas. Same old guac, new life to it.

I was laying in bed last night mulling over the events of my day and I was struck by the guac spilling incident. I am the guac. I'm dirty and messy and sometimes i even fall apart. But I have hope and a faith in the One who makes me clean and neat and put together.

--------
Tonight is the Bridge's Christmas dinner for the kids. We're partnering with the Youth Emergency Shelter of Peterborough and combining into one big party! My roommate Jenn is out right now at this beautiful store called Tribal Voices, buying beautiful and super super cool, locally made, toques and mitts with the 210 dollars she raised within her small group. I'm So SO SO excited. This event has been prayed over for weeks now and it's really exciting to see how God is going to use this night to bless all our wonderful kids!

A good lesson

2008-12-11T07:58:00.001-08:00

One of the best things about moving across the country is meeting, and becoming friends with, people I would probably never have gotten the chance to meet at home, let alone form a relationship with.

The following copy and paste is written by my friend Christ Jardin. I met him through friends and we go to the same church, The Third Space, of which he's a community pastor. We went out of for coffee last week and were talking about blogging and I told him how i have this elaborate online blog network of people i know well, people i know fairly well, people i barely know, and people i've only met via interweb. He said he was going to get the church's blog up and running again and this is what he just posted. its powerful. read to the end. its well worth it.

.....
The curtain rises.

So this post marks my re-emergence into the world of blog after a hiatus of two plus years. Greetings fellow wanderers of the internet, it’s been awhile. I’ve come a long way since the summer of 2006. No longer do I bear the title of lowly Intern, I graduated from university, got some letters after my name, and somewhere along the lines got upgraded to the status of Community Pastor…take that title however you will, I’m still working that one out myself. All that pre-amble to give context to the fact that the reason I’ve broken my silence is due to an occurrence that is perhaps simple and mundane to the outsider, but was incredibly profound and meaningful to me. I had an encounter last week that led me to the notion that the only appropriate response would be to share it in a wide-scale format. Enter….the internet.

Enter the players.

Last Saturday after having made my way to Ottawa via my thumb and the kindness of strangers, I found myself wandering downtown streets in search of nothing in particular. Aimlessly wandering, talking to no one, lost in grand thoughts about nothing of significance or consequence, I had no agenda. Eventually I found myself wandering down Dalhousie street in what I felt at the time was somewhat of a westerly direction. The street was fairly well occupied by hurried pedestrians, all of whom seemed to be paying no particular attention to their immediate surroundings or those filling up said spaces. I suppose I would count myself as bearing a similar mindset to those around me. Yet as I strolled down the sidewalk my ears pricked. “Excuse me, are you o.k.?” My eyes gazed to my immediate left only to be confronted by a man in a wheelchair. My eyes soon registered the fact that this man had no legs nor fingers on his right hand and seemed to be in some depth of poverty, he having a Tim Horton’s cup in his left. “Yes, I’m fine. How are you?” “Oh, I’m all right.” At this point we proceeded to converse about the weather and how he had found himself in his present circumstances, (not the most pleasant of tales) until he asked me something that caught me quite off guard. “Listen are you hungry? Do you need anything to eat?” “No I’m fine. I’m doing pretty all right actually.” At this point he reached into his pocket, fumbling for a few seconds with its contents, and when his hand emerged it now possessed a five dollar bill. “Here take this, buy yourself a sandwich.” At that moment, I found myself speechless. Eventually I was able to sputter “Oh…no, no, I’m actually o.k., I don’t need it, but thank you so much…” “No worries, I try to give as much I get. Anyhow, it was nice meeting you.” “Yeah, for real, uh, thanks again, bless you.”

The final act wherein certain revelations are made.

I walked away from that man pained and heartbroken. That encounter, that man, that act, that heart, to me, to my understanding of God, of this world, of humanity, and of their purpose, is it. That was it. This man who has never seen me before, has no idea who I am, where I come from, or what I’m about, perceives that I might be in need, that I might need help, that I might be hungry, that I might be suffering. Instead of letting me walk by leaving me to my own devices, he stops me, offers me what he can, to help in whatever way he can, to make my stay in this world that much better. He sacrifices what he has and presumably needs, because he perceives a greater need, and his heart, his love prevents him from doing otherwise. This man whose society, whose community, has largely ignored him, for no one on Dalhousie St. was paying that man any mind, sees fit to give back to that society, to that community, even though they don’t deserve it. That is the love of Christ.

Exit stage left.

A little while ago I was having coffee with a friend who was relating to me a story of how they had been on a bus in Peterborough and had noticed that a fellow passenger was crying and obviously was in some degree of duress. This friend of mine proceeded to tell how she had gone over to this person to see if they were ok, if they could do anything to help. Upon concluding this story, she exclaimed to me, “It’s weird that I did that, isn’t it?” My response to her was this, “Yes, that is weird, but that’s also the most normal thing you could have done.” Herein lies my challenge, one that’s perhaps, especially relevant at this time of year, when it becomes so exceedingly easy to become immersed in our own lives, our own families, our own happiness. For all its complexity, it’s really quite simple: Don’t let those who are suffering walk you by, and be sure not to walk them by.

Hooped.

2008-12-09T06:08:00.000-08:00

I think I'm a smart girl. Academically speaking, I pick up concepts easily and have very good recall. With a mild/moderate amount of effort I have been pulling off A's in 3 out of my 4 classes. But there's that one little pesky class that i just can't seem to get into. Maybe because it's the hardest.....I have to have a 60%(C) in this class in order for it to count as a nursing credit and in order to stay in the nursing program. I have a 65ish% right now. I've put it a mild amount of effort and oddly enough, that mild amount just isn't cutting it this time around. So I've formulated a plan. My prof posted how many questions are going to be on the test from each chapter. So instead of cramming and stuyding 14 chapters, I'm going to hardcore study 4 chapters and if all goes according to plan, that will give me 82 marks. With the other questions I'll get right, I'll add 10 marks to that for a grand total of 92. Which would mean i'd get 76.7 % on the final. That mark would bring up my average by about 6 percent which would leave me with a 71. Which is perfect! ....now if i could have only used this knowledge to just stay on top of things during the last semester.....live and learn though right!??!

Along with weekend drop in's, I go to Girls Group at the Bridge. Myself, and 3 other volunteers and some youth come together and we eat food, talk about Jesus and share about our lives. Yesterday we talked about how we want to be remembered when we die. I said I wanted to be remembered for service- that i served other people well. Since all the girls know i love AFrica, they said "oh like a mother teresa kind of thing?" and it got me thinking..

I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to be remembered like people remember Mother Teresa. But if my life just doesn't happen to unfold like her's did, I still want to be remembered for serving. And not just doing big things like going to Africa for a few months here and there, but the little things. I want to be remembered for always being kind and friendly to cashiers and bus drivers. That I always gave 100% when helping people. That i never passed up an opportunity to help. That I had great compassion even for white people:):) 1 Peter 4:10-11 says "Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms.If you speak, you should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If you serve, you should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised though Jesus Christ."

One girl shared that she experienced the love of Christ so profoundly a few weeks ago while skating with friends. She's been through a lot and is a real trooper, struggling daily, but overcoming. She talked about the negative thoughts that would dominate her mind about not being good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, skinny enough- the usual things girls these days struggle with. And it got me thinking of this verse I've really come to love lately.

1 Peter3:3 "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewellery and fine clothes. Rather it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a quiet and gentle spirit, which is of great wworth in God's sight."

I used to read this and just skim past it because I don't have the quietest or gentlest spirit...or so i thought. Just because i'm outgoing and have volume control issues sometimes doesn't mean i can't have a quiet and gentle spirit too. I think that my quiet and gentle spirit is revealed in how I love deeply. In how I feel other people's pain and can empathize well. In how I am learning to confront friends with issues not in a sarcastic mean-ish way like i used to, but in love and for the right reasons.

I struggled all through high school with being good enough. I was never good enough and there was always someone better at everything than me. So i tried to make my outward appearance conform with what I what I thought it should and it only made me feel worse. Now when I'm having a bad day, i meditate on this verse and focus more on changing and bettering my inside than my outside.

I have a hard time saying NO sometimes. A new friend inviting me over for dinner tonight after meeting her at Church in the Caf last weekend. We have lots of mutual friends from home and she just seemed SO cool and SO friendly. So i said for sure. Now its crunch time and i'm hooped for my exams so i decided to prioritize and cancel. As soon as i push send i'm worried that she'll be mad, or disapppointed, and i think maybe i should just go. But i know the whole time i'd be there i'd be worrying about my exam and not having any fun. A few minutes later i get this response...

Dear sweet Jesus bless Amy as she studies for her test...Lord give her your peace and help her to drink in all the information that she needs to know. Bless Amy and give her the concentration to keep to the task..we pray for a fantastic grade on her exam Lord we know that this test is not beyond you-thank you God for the amazing woman of God that Amy is-continue to pour your Holy Spirit upon her...Amen

I think you are very wise to focus on your exams...us Foxs will miss you and are looking forward to having you in our home another night-when do you leave for Sherwood Park? Would you like to meet for coffee at Timmies one day before we both trek across the country?We are leaving on the 17th..hopefully we will start driving around 4 am :))))

So absolutely no pressure...I will continue to pray for you throughout the week-you will do an amazing job on your exam...
Hugs
Richelle :))

I was SOOOO blessed by this small little email!! Thanks Richelle!!!!

I'll keep you all updated on my exam studying progress:)

When time and space are through.

2008-12-06T05:33:00.001-08:00

Yesturday I walked into the kitchen with my roommate Tori (or Toar for short). She and I are the most alike out of my roommates and I like to think of her as my little sister that I never got, no matter how many times i asked.

I've often been cynical and jaded about cheesy Christian love books, you know the type, Captivated, Wild at Heart, I Kissed Dating Goodbye...They just didn't do it for me. I was probably much to busy with my boyfriend(s) to put too much thought into them as well:) Before I came to Ptbo, I was told that my heart was encased in ice, surrounded by a brick wall. I told my roommates that yesterday and they could NOT believe that someone had told me that. Granted- that was definately the case when the person told me that- but something has cracked in me. I'm now a very very very deep feeler and often times, its incredibly annoying and sometimes embarrassing.

I will cry during prayer after a night at the Bridge because I feel so deeply for the youth. I will cry during baptisms. I will cry during Grey's Anatomy, I will cry when I read a powerful verse from a friend. I will cry when i watch World Vision. I will cry when I hear a beautiful song. I will cry when someone does something kind for someone else. I will SOB into my pillow with Steve on one side of me, Jenn on the other and Heather in front of me as i unwrap my christmas present from Steve and find that he's unknowingly painted my favorite photo of Sophie.

I used to only cry when i was really really really mad or when horses got hurt on movies.

So yesterday. I look at the kitchen table while Toar is making her lunch and scoff "hey Toar, look at this dumb book, i wonder who's reading it." i flick through the pages..."Wow toar! its highlighted like mad, i'm going to find you the best parts and raed them to you" and we both laugh at the prospect of this book having a 'good part' and i dig in. Almost immediately I find this story of a guy Rick, and a girl Christy.

The author touted it as the most romantic story he'd ever heard, so i decided to read it out loud to Tori.

Rick and Christy met when they were 14 at church and were good friends. Ricks liked Christy but it wasn't until they were 18 that Christy really fell for Rick. They wrote eachother hand written letters all the time and were falling in love.

Christy's dad took Rick aside one day and encouraged him to think rationally about the situation. Both Christy and Rick wanted to attend college, and were years away from marriage or beign ready for marriage. He challenged Rick to think of Christy and how best to serve her.

Rick met Christy and told her he could no longer see her. He loved her, but he was not ready to have a relationship with the end result of marriage and either was she. So instead of distract her from her relationship with Christ, her schooling, friends, family etc, he was letting her go. He asked for all the letters he'd ever written her and he took them.

That night he drove to Christy's late at night and burried all the letters (over 100 of them!) in christy's front yard. He had a funeral of sorts that night, for his love for Christy and his hopes for a future with him. He prayed that only God would unearth these feelings if and when the time was right. and then he left.

Fast forward a year and half and Christy calls home form college telling her mom she's still raelly struggling with feelings for Rick. She hadn't heard or seen from him since the night they broke up but still loved him. Her dad was impressed that he respected Christy and loved her enough to serve her that way and he called Rick up for coffee. He told Rick that he could rethink he's breakup with Christy, and that he should pray about starting a courtship. Rick prayed, and told her dad that the Lord told him to wait.

So Rick waited, and a few months later him and Christy started along distance courtship with the goal in mind, of marriage. Christmas day of their last years in college, Rick went to Christy's house with her present. It was a red tag for a maple tree. Christy and Rick and her family went to the front lawn for her to plant it. As she drove the shovel into the ground, she hit the box of letters that Rick had sealed and planted 3 years previous.

Christy took the box, opened it, and realized that the 100 love letters they had written back and forth were in the box with one unopened letter on top. She ripped the letter open and read it. 3 yaers previous, when Rick was 18, he wrote a letter to christy, asking for her hand in marriage when the time was right. The time was right and rick got on his knee and asked Cchristy to marry him.

Me and Toar sat at the table crying over the beauty of this story. And from noon yesterday I've not let go of this book and I've been giving it a fair and honest read. No judgments. And its beautiful. Its a beautiful model of how relationship between a man and woman should be, and CAN be. How when you're LOOKING for a mate, you could find many potentials, but when your LOOKING for Christ you don't even need to worry about it. And thats awesome!

Anyway- my friend Lana, who i met in uganda in 06, came to visit me yesturday with her 2 month old baby zoe! it was an awesome short time of catch up and we live so close to eachother which is awesome

Responsible

2008-11-30T21:22:00.000-08:00

Tonight something happened that I won't soon forget.

I spent the better part of today emailing back and forth with Erin. I told her how i was going to be saying a little 'schpeel' at Church in the Caf tonight on campus. I was going to be speaking about SUUBI and how i have these gorgeous necklaces waiting to be under christmas trees. I wore my adorable pink suubi tee and of course, had a suubi necklace around my neck as I told 70-80ish people about my love love love for Uganda and how this is an awesome organization to support. She wrote in her last email to me, "....Anyway, i will be praying for your schpeel tonight -- your passion is contageous and i know that your heart for the developing world will impact whoever listens to you!"

I sit down. Big man from Wales stands up. He's a guest speaker and him and his wife have recently moved to town to pastor New Life Church in ptbo.

Big man starts talking. "I was sitting on my setee (i dont know how you spell that word) today and a song popped into my head. It's an old song about beads, bobbles and bangles. So i asked the Lord to tell me why this song was in my head and he told me that tonight i would meet a girl with colorful beads and i needed to give her His message."

I'm thinking to myself..."uhhh.....is he talking about me?? ahh..this is weird. this has never happened....eek"

Big man looks me dead in the eyes and says the following. "The Lord gave me a prophecy about you. He told me about a girl with colorful beads and that girl is you. He told me that you will change nations. That you're heart will become even more compassionate. That you will be given every gift you need to accomplish HIS plans for YOU. He told me your hands will heal the sick. He is preparing you and as you give of yourself, and pour into other's lives, you will be blessed. He wants me to tell you that he is doing great things in you. and YOU will change nations. You will be sent to other countries outside of Uganda and do the Lord's work there too. This is what the Lord told me."

I am crying at this point, feeling very overwhelmed and a little bit weird. I was JUST reading about prophecy today and thinking just how cool it was that so many parts of the gospels are fulfilling prophesies from the old testament.

Big man keeps talking and asks the 2 people in the crowd, one with back pain and one with neck pain to come to the front. Girl and guy come forward. Big man and Man's wife lay hands on them and pray for them to the healed. They are healed.

Big man gives an amazing talk about the GIFT of christmas. Jesus.

At the end, him and his wife call me to the front. I stand facing them and the wife puts her hands on my back after she raises my arms and my hands are outstretched. Big man's hand is on my head and one is stretched to heaven. They begin praying for me, my future ministry, my life and calling for Africa. They pray for wisdom and patience and that i will be equipped for everything I am going to do. They hold my hands and pray over my hands that I will use them for the good of the Lord and that the Holy Spirit will heal the sick through me. They pray that I will always give all the glory back to God. And that i will be blessed.

I felt dizzy and a bit like i should slump to the ground like those Benny Hinn infomercials:) They hug me and i sit back down.

Big man closes in prayer and I think 4 or 5 students come to Christ.

...............

It was incredible. I felt weird like there was this wind trailing behind me as i walked, like i was wearing a loooong flowy skirt.

I talked to the man and woman after wards and we talked for a bit and they asked me more about my time in Uganda and invited me to their church. New Life, next Sunday!

On Saturday I chatted with my mom for a long time and got off the phone feeling SO blessed to be the child of my wonderful parents. I sat down and decided to journal instead of do MORE anatomy studying. I wrote 8 pages in my journal in what felt like a matter of seconds. I felt this blanket around me. a really comfortable safe weight and God told me he was preparing me for something. That something big was going to happen and that i was ready.

I'm ready.

Really Black Friday people??? REALLY!!!

2008-11-29T14:56:00.001-08:00

I'm just gonna put this out there. This is to those 2000 people who trampled a walmart employee to death for the sake of 100 dollars of a stupid play station.

Seriously new york walmart fanatics? Seriously?! Did you really need that play station that bad? Did you really just have to have that digital camera? Was that marked down makeup really that important? Are THINGS so important to us that we can't have normal hours in stores? We need a day when we can get there when the sun's no shining and line up in the cold for a piece of plastic made by little hands that are cut and bruised attached to tiny bodies that are worn out and malnourished and sleep deprived? Do we really need to line up in front a store that broke the knees of one of its factories workers for wanting to start a union in the sweat shop he worked in?

Was the amount you saved on your bill worth more than a life? Were those few dollars saved worth the feeling of stepping on a human being?

It's a good thing everyone got their shopping done though. At least you can have a merry Christmas. because that's what its about right? things. stuff. plastic. waste. accumulation. money. The family of the walmart employee surely knows that's what you thought about as you stepped on their child.

-----------------------

I'm boycotting gifts this Christmas. i want to EXPERIENCE Christmas. i don't want to buy it. the only gift i want, and that i have already, is the gift that God gave me, you, those 2000 stampeders at walmart, the 6 billion people on earth. and thats more than enough for me.

love love love love love

2008-11-28T05:51:00.000-08:00

"Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act"
Proverbs 24:12 (stolen from erin's blog)

A couple days ago I read erin's blog and came across this verse she posted. My immediate reaction was "whoa! that's such a sweet verse!" but now a part of my wishes i had never heard it.

I think it's really scary knowing that i'm responsible to act. There is a song by Brooke Fraser (i'm obsessed with her) and i think its so powerful.

I am sitting still
I think of Angelique
her mothers voice over me
And the bullets in the wall where it fell silent
And on a thousandth hill, I think of Albertine
there in her eyes what I don't see with my own
rwanda

[CHORUS]
now that I have seen, I am responsible
Faith without deeds is dead
now that I have held you in my own arms, I cannot let go till you are

I am on a plane across a distant sea
But I carry you in me
and the dust on, the dust on, the dust on my feet
Rwanda

[CHORUS]

[BRIGDE]
I will tell the world, I will tell them where I've been
I will keep my word
I will tell them Albertine

[CHORUS]

I am on a stage, a thousand eyes on me
I will tell them, Albertine
I will tell them, Albertine

Think about it. I've been told that the one who weighs my heart and keeps my soul is counting ME responsible. That's huge. And scary.

But then I think.....That's exactly what being a Christ follower is all about. Being accountable. Being Responsible. I try to imagine what it would be like and how many hours it would have taken me to implode if i had gotten off the plane at home from Uganda and not said a word about it. Yesterday my roommate Jenn held me while i was crying on the floor is the doorway between our kitchen and hallway because i just read all my roommates this powerful verse and the whole huge weight of it fell on top it. As that whole huge weight fell, and as i went to my room to be alone as i often like to do, I saw the giant framed photo of sophia on my wall staring at me and i thought of the text message mama lois had sent me about how my mom had given her family christmas this year. I thought of how many people i've been able to help through me being responsible on acting. More importantly- i thought of how many people i've gotten to help others because i dont have any money!:) Lawrence wouldn't be going to university right now if it wasn't for my friend Curtis. Mama lois may have still been waiting for her very important surgery if it wasn't for my Mom and dad. The kids at STAO wouldn't have had christmas presents last year if it wasn't for Beth's mom. The kids at STAO wouldn't have gotten to go to town in a REAL CAR (!!!), been taken to a real doctor, been treated, gotten medication, a new outfit, a beautiful yummy lunch, and to watch a movie if it wasn't for the Pastoor/Barbour/Richards family. Musa wouldn't have a place to stay at during university if it wasn't for my dad.

Sometimes i KNOW my life would have been SOOOO much easier if i had never gone to UG. IF i had only stayed home and gone to college right away....I'd be able to have a mac instead of this busted PC. i'd be able to have a car right now instead of wearing out the sneaker express. I'd be able to get my hair highlighted and not feel guilty. i'd be able to buy stuff that wasn't on sale.

And i would have been stuck in a north american mentality of spending and spending and spending and having no concept of what i'm buying, where my money is going, and who ISN"T getting paid for what i just bought.

So ya. Now that i have seen, I am responsible. And thats ok with me. I have wonderful Godly, Christ loving women in my life, and in my online life:) Erin always makes me smile with her stories of her kids that i ADORE. I also love that I can email her asking her if she likes these boots i want to buy in one sentence and get her advice on guys in the next.
I love that Becca takes God's words to Joshua to heart when God says have i not commanded you? be STRONg and COURAGEOUS!!
I love that Brandi loves UG and Katie and that she has the cutest white daughter Gracie who is hilarious and i love hearing stories of her whining:)
I love that Jena went to UG and got her babies Kaia and Kendric recently and that her son plays the tuba!
I love Carolyn because she calls her husband a hottie, LOVES ethipoia, has the most beautiful daughter Selah, in involved with Project Hopeful that one day i'm going to use when I'm adopting my HIV babies!
I love Katie. This powerhouse of a girl (woman!) who cares for 10 UG girls plus 150 others, plus probably hundreds more that we just don't know about yet. I love the heart Jesus has placed in her little body and how HUGE the love that pours out of all of her is. i LOVE that she loves being a ugandan in uganda and not a mzungu. I love that she kept my bestie bethany company for 3 weeks while i was getting sliced open.

Mukama Yebazibwe!

This Just In!

2008-11-25T10:45:00.000-08:00

Hey BlogFam-

I got my suubi spread box in the mail today and i'm ready to sell!! These necklaces are GORGEOUS (trust me, i've looked at them all!) and they can be yours for the low low price of:

10 for a choker(great for guys)
15 for a slim long one
20 for a black and white long (soooo cool!)
20 for a multicolored long

Instead of wasting money on gifts that don't mean anything and gifts made by some robot in a factory, CHOOSE HOPE and give Suubi!

Christmas

2008-11-20T06:01:00.000-08:00

I'm going to see THIS movie tonight at a local church.

Its a documentary (more like a mockumentary) about consumerism during the Christmas season. Its this revenered Billy and his Church of Stop Shopping and they go into malls and big box stores and spead the news on the shopocalypse.

It's called What Would Jesus Buy and it looks wonderful.

2008-11-19T10:29:00.000-08:00

Meet Steve. He's like our 5th roommate. He is always at our house and even has food labeled in our fridge. We love him.

We also love when he goes to the emergency room with Bea and comes home looking like THAT. The pee in the urine sample is the top skimmed off of pea soup (hahah get it?). We put it on our other tori's desk and she freaked out. Its now sitting on our mantle in the living room because we all agree that its hilarious to have a urine sample for all to see.
Did i mention i love it here?

2008-11-19T10:28:00.000-08:00

It looks like I'm Ghana bound come July 3!!!!

2008-11-19T08:08:00.001-08:00

You go before me, you shield my way, your hand upholds me and i know you love me.

In 15 minutes I'm meeting with the a guy from Youth For Christ to talk about Ghana this summer. I was told about an opportunity to serve with a team in July for 5 weeks and I was instantly attracted to it (obviously!).

I left a message on my mom's work answering machine for prayer and then i sat and read romans, the verses about our lives being predestined. Then i sat on my bed and prayed for clarity, and peace and answers. Then my roommate Jenn came in and sat beside me and prayed for me too. (i love my life!)

At the cross i bow my knee, where you're blood was shed for me, there's not greater love than this. you have overcome the grave, your glory fills the highest place, what can separate me now!?

heart hurt

2008-11-16T20:47:00.000-08:00

how gracious, relentless is the father's love towards us. breathtaking the beauty is the radiance of you. oh majesty i live to see your face and be transformed into your image.

I don't want to think of who i was 2 years ago. I was a good person, who was funny and nice but empty. I was complacent and comfortable and ordinary.

I am active and uncomfortable and radical. I HATE injustice, i feel it to my core. I HATE the sin my life and work hard at getting rid of it. I LOVE the only one being who can redeem me. Not just love actually. I am IN love with Christ Jesus. My savior and redeemer.

I am surrounded by poverty. I am surrounded by brokenness. I am surrounded by despair and sadness and loneliness and self hatred.

I am surrounded by light and love and grace and mercy and fellowship and activists. I am surrounded by people who are actively involved in bringing the kingdom of heaven to EARTH. to where we are. I am surrounded by people storing up for themselves treasures in heaven. I am surrounded by people who have sacrificed SO much for the cause of Christ. I am surrounded by people who share my same love and desire and passion and call for the brokenhearted.

I am surrounded by the Holy Spirit. I am being led by the Holy Spirit. I am living in and through the Holy Spirit.

I love to spend money on clothes. Tonight Jesus convicted me of my excess. He shoved it in my face and said AMY WHAT GOOD DOES THIS DO YOU. but more importantly he said AMY WHAT GOOD DOES THIS DO ME!

Thank you JESUS CHRIST for loving a broken, helpless, empty girl. Thank you for filling me with you and love for you and love for your people, your heart. Thank YOU for doing more than I could ever ask or imagine.

Romans 5:3-8
There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!

Christ arrives right on time to make this happen. He didn't, and doesn't, wait for us to get ready. He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn't been so weak, we wouldn't have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him.

Suubi

2008-11-10T07:54:00.000-08:00

Can i please be this woman when i grow up?!

http://www.facinglife.tv/episode/season_3/episode_7/episode_307.html

Auntie jan and Auntie Margo and Mom, watch this. This is the lady i always talk about and its Selah's mom!

Baptized!!

2008-11-07T14:17:00.000-08:00

Today i got baptized! My roommate Jenn baptized me in the name of the Father Son and Holy Spirit! It was AWESOME.

And very very very cold. It was a nice 15 degrees
celcius outside but the water was practically freezing. But very refreshing!

Cats Galore

2008-11-06T10:57:00.000-08:00

This is weird. I know it is. But it is also so so very funny if you let your mind go to that place where everything about cats is funny...no matter what.

As i looked through my recent downloads i was struck by the fact that probably 93% of my downloads are photos of cats. You're probably wondering why. This is the answer...

Mollie.

Mollie is my best cuzzie. she also loves funny cat photos. so sometimes in my spare time i like to google cat photos. and below are some of my favorites so far.

Enjoy!

PS- FTW means For The Win (a common phrase in mollie and my vernacular)

Enjoy!

H2O

2008-11-06T10:43:00.001-08:00

I'm getting baptized tomorrow. In the river near my house. With a few close friends.

I've been thinking about it for a long while through a curious chain of events, i've decided that tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow at 3:30pm in the Otonabee River.

Also. last night as i was walking back from my nursing 100 seminar, i crossed the bridge that links the east side and west side of campus. as i stepped onto the bridge, i had an overwhelming sense that i should let go. let go of something i'd been holding onto for far too long.

so i did. and as i pictured it falling into the river below, i let someone fall out of my hands and into the river as well. (bio degradable of course!)

And it feels good.

and now for added artsy fartsyness. i've included some wonderfully cheesy pictures that i found by googling "letting go".

there's more to living than being alive.

2008-11-02T08:51:00.000-08:00

Hallereen. The Trent experience. The Bridge.

Photos.

check it. click here.

if i only dwell in thee.

2008-10-28T08:11:00.000-07:00

If to distant lands I scatter
If I sail to farthest seas
Would you find and firm and gather 'til I only dwell in Thee?
If I flee from greenest pastures
Would you leave to look for me?
Forfeit glory to come after
'Til I only dwell in Thee

If my heart has one ambition
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision 'til I only dwell in Thee
That I only dwell in Thee
'Til I only dwell in Thee

brooke fraser.

different, but the same.

2008-10-24T21:37:00.000-07:00

I love the Bridge. I love being a part of it. I love spending my weekend nights there. I love the friendships i'm making. I love the kids i'm meeting. And i especially love it because in a sense, these messed up youth are exactly like my african orphans.

When i came back to Canada i had this complex like somehow every issue in the world paled in comparison to Africa and that NO ONE in the WORLD could understand me, what i saw, what i did etc.

Then as we are praying in debrief tonight, i was struck by this realization.

These youth and my orphans are different, but exactly the same.

Although the youth i'm friends with may not live in institutions, their hearts do. They are desperate and alone and lonely and unloved. And as such, they don't know HOW to love. So we are there to love them, to teach them boundaries, to guide them, to laugh with them, to cry with them, and sometimes just to BE with them.

My heart broke tonight. I thought my heart only broke for african orphans. But what i realize right now is that my heart breaks for orphans in general. These kids that come to The Bridge may not be true orphans, but they are in such desperate dire situations that they may as well be. And maybe that's almost worse, because at least being an orphan affords you the option of being rescued.

I did a silly thing a while ago. I prayed "Lord break my heart with the things that break your heart"...and what do you know, he's come through.

Lord- take these kids. take their families and their situations and hold them. comfort them like only you can. show these kids that their worth doesn't come from relationships on earth or any external force but only from YOU. give us volunteers the wisdom and courage to pour into these kids lives. Give us your love. We need you Lord. Oh how we need you.

Can they see him in you?

2008-10-24T09:03:00.000-07:00

I’m sitting outside. The coldness from the sidewalk quickly creeps into my jeans and sets up house under my skin. I rub my hands together and blow air from my lungs between my palms, but even the air fro m my insides is just as cold as the air from my outsides.

The coffee cup that sits in front of me mocks me. Its purpose is to hold heat and give heat, yet it is empty, save for a few coins.

I look across the street to a beautiful old church. It is lit from the inside and its warmth radiates through the old stone that it scares away the frost that is covering most things around it. I can see people coming in and out. It is Sunday morning and sometimes, if I’m up to it, I’ll sit near the church and watch.

Families get out of their sleek cars in their Sunday best. Mothers hold the hands of their children as they cross the street from the parking lot to the church. They walk the steps directly in front of me. Yet they do not see me.

Today is not the day for helping the poor. Today is the day to worship the Lord. A little boy is hurrying to keep up with his mother and father, rushing so as not to be late. He is curious about me and my coffee cup. He slows as he nears me and intuitively, his mother turns around and yanks him away from me. She whispers in his ear as they continue on and the boy looks back and catches my eye.

I lean against the building I’m sitting by and try to rest my mind. It is full and always working. Sleep is hard to catch because my body is constantly cold. Sometimes i dream that my sleeping bag has a heater and i can actually feel warmth creeping into my worn tennis shoes.

The service is over and as people file out of the church. They are laughing and happy and talking about a great sermon. “Pastor really out did himself today” they say. I hear that often and i wonder if people really mean it or if they are just being kind.

As they cross the street, i am in their way. I am between the church and their cars and I can see the gears in their heads turning, looking for alternate routes around me. Some take the long way around, some try not to look down at me as they pass, some just wouldn’t even see me if they looked me dead in the eyes.

I see a man walking by me. I recognize him. He stopped to talk to me once when I was sitting in a bus shelter. He told me about a man named Jesus. He told me that his man came to save my soul. To love my unconditionally. And that the people coming out of the church in front me are his people.

But i wonder.....If these people are his, and if this man Jesus, really loves unconditionally like i was told, why don’t they see me.

I can see Jesus around them. The sad thing is that I don’t see Jesus IN them.

Thats MY king!

2008-10-20T12:15:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upGCMl_b0n4

watch this. its sweet.